"That was just pathetic!" I heard one of the men on the sidelines yell. It was the end of our third game of the season, which was also the end of our third loss of the season. I suppose if I were coaching The Chicago Bears in a play off game, I wouldn't have been shocked to hear him scream it. But I wasn't coaching the Bears. I was coaching the Hawks. And we were playing soccer. And the average age on the team was five.

Why do parents enroll their kids in athletics? For a variety of reasons, to learn team-play, for exercise, to gain new skills. But more and more as a parent volunteer, the answer at the top of the list seems to be "to win." I began coaching the Hawks because the year before as a four year old, my son was being dragged around the field to his position by his shirt by the coach. This was the same coach who constantly belittled her own son for being small and unable to dribble the ball. My son began to dread soccer that year and I swore he would never be treated like that again. By our fourth game, it was me who was beginning to dread soccer.

As the coach of five year olds, I decided early on that our team would have three goals: to have fun, to learn to play as a team, and to learn basic soccer skills. Notice that no where on that list was "to win." I suppose looking back on it, it really wasn't the coach in me that decided on those goals- it was the parent in me. Perhaps I should have pushed them a little harder. Perhaps I should have had them running laps for not paying attention. Perhaps I should have played fewer games of "Sharks and Fishes" with them. I don't know. All I know is that that dad never once volunteered his time and efforts to wrangle seven five year old boys into playing a team sport. He never offered to pick up balls and cones at dusk after practice and he never congratulated his son after the first game we won. He only remarked that "Billy" made a goal for the other team. Quite honestly? I think that was the most pathetic thing of all.

Learn more about this author, Dorothy Gale.
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