by Leah Curtis

Created on: May 08, 2009

I have a friend. She is going to commit suicide. It is not a matter of if, but when. Like me, she has Bipolar disorder. Her husband knows of her suicidal intentions, her doctors, her family and her best friend knows. I am her best friend. I understand how she feels. I do not agree with what she will eventually do, but I do know how she feels. Having Bipolar disorder is hard to explain. It is one of those "you had to be there" sorts of thing. You are constantly off kilter. Sometimes you own the world, other times the world owns you. Everyone questions everything you do. "Is she manic?" "Maybe she's depressed". Maybe I am just happy, or sad or even quiet. In spite of it all, I still have a personality. Not everything revolves around my illness.

There are different types of bipolar disorder and it manifests itself differently in everyone who is unfortunate enough to have it. Bipolar disorder is a medical condition where a person has extreme mood swings not related to anything going on in their lives. The severity of the mood swings affect how a person with Bipolar disorder thinks, functions and acts.

Bipolar-I disorder is characterized by manic behaviour or mixed, depressed and well phases. A person who does not have a full manic phase is said to have hypomania. When a person has hypomania, depression and time in between without symptoms, they have Bipolar-II disorder.

There is no predictable order or frequency for any manic-depressive state. Some people can go years between episodes while others suffer much more frequent episodes. People that have at least four episodes a year are said to have rapid cycling, which can be present in both Bipolar-I or Bipolar-II disorder. Episodes of mania/hypomania followed or preceded by depression occur more frequently as a person ages.

Bipolar disorder is difficult to treat because it affects everyone differently. Treating the depression with only anti-depressants often causes a person to swing into mania. This brings us to the difficulty in diagnosing people with Bipolar disorder. People go to the doctor when they are depressed. They usually do not go when they are in a manic state because they feel great. Or they think they do. Their self-esteem is exaggerated. They can get by on very little sleep and they can talk too much, too loud and too fast.

The higher you go, the harder you fall. I know this all too well. After having my daughter, I had severe post-par-tum depression. I was treated with anti-depressants. For the

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