A Working Man's Guide to Surviving the Recession
For those good folks with money in the market the recession is nothing if not bad news. For the working man, however, it's an opportunity to improve his condition. As you will soon see, the recession is good for many things if you just put your mind to it.
Here's a look at the recession from a working man's point of view.
The recession is a time for spending less on gifts for the little lady, and I'm not talking about the Mrs. Here. Saving money on trinkets and baubles means more money for beer.
The recession is a great excuse for not dining out with the Mrs.. TV watching is a real money saver and you can drink as much beer as you can hold without having to worry about giving over the car keys.
Recessions are a great way to save money by buying cheaper dog food. You have to be careful here because some no-account dogs have been known to guzzle your beer when you're watching the game with your buds. Don't even think about getting rid of the old hound, however. He will come back to haunt you if you do.
Recessions are a great reason for having a tail gate BYOBAMT party without actually going to the game. Just tell your buds that the game is probably going to suck anyway so why not have a warm up beer before going. One thing will lead to another and before you know it, the party is on. BYOBAMT parties are great ice breakers for the neighbors, as well. Just don't tell them that BYOBAMT means Bring Your Own Beer And Mine Too.
There's no need to go on a family vacation this summer because it's just too darn expensive. Skip the family, go alone. Find the nearest hotel with a swimming pool, a sport bar and a large screen TV. If you must take someone, take the dog, but keep an eye on him around the pool. Never buy hotel beer. Instead, tuck a case inside the largest suitcase you can find.
Take advantage of your lay-off time by watching the financial news channels all day long. Pretend to be quite knowledgeable about the recession and the stock market. Get yourself invited to as many poolside parties as possible. Take the Mrs. with you, she can drive you home after you've been asked to leave. She'll really enjoy going to a bunch of recessionary pool parties, just like the pundits on TV do every day.
Recessions are a great opportunity to cut back on needless expenses. Save a ton of money by selling the teenager's car and canceling the insurance. Make the ingrates take the bus to school and meet real people. Invest the money you've saved in your favorite beer company.
Another great way to save money is to cancel your wife's fitness club membership and credit cards. Everyone has to sacrifice something during a recession and the money you will save will keep the refrigerator stocked with beer for at least a month, maybe the entire summer.
If you must take a vacation during the recession, try sending the kids to your mother-in-laws house for the summer. This is even better than taking a family vacation as you won't have to share your beer with her. This will also give you more time to look for a job driving a beer truck.
Finally, meet new people and make friends in the unemployment line. Learn to distinguish the real job seekers from those that are just there to collect their benefit check. They are the ones that know where to buy the best beer. Invite your new friends to your own BYOBAMT recession pool party.
If you must work, find a beer truck to drive, or better yet, look for a job while attending a free wine tasting weekend. As a last resort, practice your interview prowess while attending funeral receptions and wedding receptions, even if you don't know the recently deceased.
These are easy to follow guidelines for surviving the recession. Other guidelines, like those from your unemployment counselor should be regarded with the utmost caution.