by Jason Furney

Created on: May 07, 2009   Last Updated: May 08, 2009

It's amazing... what I feel and what I know and what I think. Why is it so hard to believe, to express? Why is it that when one feels something...something amazing, something so strong as what I feel now, that no one else can see or feel it too? Is it life's cruel punishment or odd reward?

-1-

In Bed.

There are so many things I want to do in life. Besides being able to fly, or disappear, or play the guitar, or sing. Haha, I know it sounds cliche but sometimes I want the life that you see in movies. I want to meet that special someone in a foreign country and fall completely and madly in love in the course of a day. I want that love to stay for years, maybe just hide, so it can be found again. I want to be able to just talk with someone and feel connected in a way that I have never felt before. Who doesn't want that? Who wants to be lonely? Who wants to be miserable? Certainly not me. So if you exist out there, you...that someone who has this feeling , that has this other someone, if you exist out there, do not take what you have for granted.

Yet here I am. HERE I AM! Thats right. Besides having these wants, these feelings of desire. I am here and I am chill. What is chill? It's going through life with only the sunny hours. That is to say that who cares?. Not me. So what that I want this shit. I don't exactly have it and you know what, most likely neither do you. It may come to me (well not the superhero parts) eventually but until that happens why hate the life that I live in now. Hence I only have those sunny hours. The ones that have no actual hate, no misery. Life is hard enough without you feeling miserable... why make it harder; right? So I go through life trying to not really have a care. At most times I succeed but sometimes I don't. It is hard to do..try it. Most of the time I can go through life with a skip. A bad grade; who cares? A break up; was it meant to be? Get fired; did you really enjoy it in the first place?

I envy some people. Not because they are smarter then me, hell most of them are dumber. I don't mean to sound full of myself here; I am talking about a select group of people. These people have very little if anything at all. They like to drink and watch cars drive around in a circle purely in hopes they crash. They like to tease the baboons at the zoo with grapes and bananas. These people have no problem going to work, coming home, drinking, sleeping, and doing it all again. They are happy with the every day drawl, they have no ambition to go any where or do anything. Hell, I would be surprised if they even picked up book. I take that back... they might use it as a quick table leveler or maybe a paperweight. So why would I envy these people you ask? (Or maybe you don't ask but, frankly, I don't care) They are content, they are essentially happy. Would it not be grand if we could all be happy with such simplicity? Of course nothing would ever evolve past what it is today, but screw the big picture, look at the now. I wish that hearing a dirty word would make my day, but it doesn't. Instead I have to be here wanting more, wanting better. I have to strive for something great.

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