by Timothy D Heard

Created on: May 07, 2009

Facebook: A Social Utility or Disgracebook: A Social Humility?

Part 1
Attention all Facebook fanatics, irritating Instant Messengers and tormenting Text Messengers! Telecommunications experts have recently made an astounding re-discovery; the amazing human ability to verbally converse and communicate. It is most commonly referred to as Talking. Some claim that this simple, and by far, most practical means of communication has actually been in existence for many centuries but is becoming obsolete due to the many Internet social utilities, such as Facebook, who now provide a much more accessible platform for so many of us who want to share loads of pointless drivel and worthless wit, consistently and constantly, day-in and day-out, without even opening up our mouths or vocal chords. Most of us now speak through keyboards.

Status Updates are a very important part of the Facebook profile. (Yeah, right)! If you're going to update your status, at least make it interesting and meaningful. No one really wants to know that you just got home from grocery shopping, that the heat is a real scorcher out there today, or that you're working over-time next week, got your oil changed or bought new underwear. Give us a break, please! Let us know when you're engaged, pregnant, moving to Alaska or climbing Mount Everest. And if you're really insistent on writing meaningless comments, for the sake of other users, don't write something every 20 minutes. There are few things as annoying as seeing the same faces and insignificant comments every time you refresh your home page.

Here is a concept that an alarming number of you in FB Land are obviously unaware of; just because a random thought crosses your mind, it doesn't mean you have to run to your computer and post it on your Facebook profile. Internal thinking is an ability to be appreciated. You don't walk down the street, loudly vocalizing every thought going through your mind, so why would you post them on your profile and bore everyone to death? And some of the foul language used? Get some class. If you're unable to write without swearing, perhaps you should consider some vocabulary-enhancing education. Foul language can very easily make a smart person look dumb.

Here is yet another suggestion. When real-time messaging with an on-line friend. Don't hold your conversations from wall-to-wall. You're taking up space and boooooring other people. Your conversations belong to you and whoever you're messaging with. It is no one's business but yours, and besides, no one really cares to read it. You would think this concept would be quite obvious due to the fact that each person's account has its own Messaging Center and a pop-up IM page at the bottom of your screen. Keep your conversations to yourself; we're not interested.

The thoughts and opinions expressed by Disgracebook are not directed at all account holders. It is, however, passionately directed at those who now know very well, who you are.
As a result of speaking the truth, which often hurts and more often, leads to aggressive defensiveness and denial, I very much expect, anticipate and welcome all of your nasty and degrading foul-mouthed retorts and responses. After writing a letter of this nature, I could use a good laugh. And if you haven't deleted me from your 'Friends List', keep an eye out for Part 2 where I we will touch on topics such as: Stupid Applications and Quizzes, you're kids and family pictures are nice but 200 pictures is quite enough, and of course, the big question;how many of you remember what a telephone is ? That is all for now, thank you!

Sincerely, extremely and humorously yours,

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