by Louis Georges

Created on: May 07, 2009   Last Updated: May 09, 2009

Braggarts are everywhere. We are afflicted with them at work, they plague our social gatherings, and we even get stuck dealing with them at family functions. It is difficult to get away. Anywhere we turn, it seems there is always someone there who is anxious to regale us with tales of their accomplishments.

Why exactly is that so annoying? If a person is not particularly rude about it, and they do not monopolize the conversation, and even if their stories turn out to be interesting, it still becomes wearisome to listen to those stories. Why? What is it about blowing one's own horn that is so distasteful to others?

In some cases, it's obvious. The blustery blow-hard who makes a show of letting everyone know his accomplishments and assumes there is no other topic of conversation worth entertaining, actively makes himself a nuisance. Somewhat more insidious is the individual who simply "one-ups" everyone else, allowing others the opportunity to speak only to follow up with a more impressive story of his own. Anyone who actively seeks to dominate the conversation necessarily frustrates those who are denied full participation.

People can brag, however, without monopolizing the conversation. Some just feel the need to announce every accomplishment or to make sure everyone is aware of their successes. This can certainly be grating on the nerves, but should it be? Don't we all like for others to know when we have done well? If we share what's going on in our lives, won't some of those things necessarily be accomplishments? So, why is it that sometimes we are annoyed, and sometimes we are not?

The annoyance does tend to be tied to specific people, which might suggest that we get annoyed, not by hearing of someone else's achievement, but by hearing from those who have too much to say about themselves. In that case, is the trigger frequency or quantity? Are we more annoyed by the person who says every week, "I aced my test," or the person who on a single occasion says, "I got the best score in the class, and I didn't even study"?

In the latter case, where does it become too much information? "I aced my test, and I didn't even study" certainly smacks of "Look at how smart I am!" Worse, it carries strong implications of "I'm smarter than all the suckers who studied and still didn't do as well as me!" Would it have been acceptable to just leave it at "I did well on the test"? "I aced my test"? How about "I did a lot better on the test than I expected, considering that I didn't study"? The wording there doesn't seem to carry the same implications.

Perhaps it's all in the implications. More likely, it's in the perceived implications. When someone points out an accomplishment of their own that we cannot match, it highlights the fact that we are not as successful in that particular endeavor. Oftentimes, though, the braggart is not interested in highlighting differences. The focus is egocentric; a comparison to someone else would dilute that focus.

So, if the person is not insulting us, why can't we just be happy for them and move on? Well, if we hear too much about someone else's success, even if it is not meant to be caustic, we may become resentful. This is an interesting result in that now, the fault no longer belongs to the braggart. It is ours entirely.

Perhaps that's not the only case in which the fault is ours. Let us go back to the fellow who monopolizes the conversation in order to discuss his own exploits. Are we frustrated because we don't want to talk about him, or because we are denied the opportunity to talk about ourselves?

The real question may be whether braggarts are annoying because of what they do or because of how we respond.

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