by Jennifer Mitchell

Created on: May 07, 2009   Last Updated: May 11, 2009

So you've married Mr. Right (or Ms. Right) and their family offers you a position in their family-owned business. Should you take it? What are the pros and cons to working for your in-laws? If the job doesn't work out, how do you move on but preserve your family relationships?

The number one consideration needs to be the impact working for the family business will have on your marriage. If you and your spouse are spending a great deal of time together at work and then again at home, you may find that the work becomes your entire life whether or not you're actually at work. You each need to be able to have other outlets with friends and family not involved in the business to maintain some level of satisfaction within your marriage.

If you and your spouse think that your marriage will survive working together, you then need to look at what you are being offered and why. Is it truly a job you would want if it were offered by any other company? Or are you considering taking it just to keep the family happy? If you accept a job only to keep the harmony in the family, you suppress your own desires and are on a short path to resentment. But if it's a job that you are really interested in and would consider no matter who would offer it, you are off to a good start.

Next, what does it pay? Are you being paid competitively for the position? You don't want to find yourself being paid less because of the family connection; then you are just being taken advantage of. Also be wary if it seems to be exceptionally above the expected typical pay - is there something hidden that you're going to be expected to do? Do your homework ahead of time to know what the pay range for the position realistically is.

Supervision and direct management is a really tricky area to navigate: who are you reporting to? Do you report to another family member or someone who is not family? Reporting to a family member can blur the boundaries between employee and family. Definitely don't be in a position where you report to your spouse unless you want to contact a divorce lawyer the same day you take the job! Spouses should be equals, not subordinates. Can you imagine having dinner together after your spouse/boss had to tell you something negative at work? The best scenario is that there is at least one non-family member between you and the family management.

Another important consideration is how well the family keeps the business separate from their personal time. You don't want to go to Christmas and hear about the latest sales figures or struggles with suppliers. Even if you and your spouse are able to keep work separate from personal time, other family members may not. It's a sure ticket to quick burnout if there aren't clear boundaries set.

If you accept a position and then find out that you aren't cut out for the job or that the situation is not working well, it can be tricky to extricate yourself. Your best bet is to find a position with clear advantages over where you currently are. That allows you to have a more diplomatic exit than if you switch to something that clearly is below where you are. A move like that clearly says, Anything was better than working for you! Other possibilities for a graceful exit are to go to school or to stay home with your children. How can your child's grandparents argue against that?

Working with family can be very rewarding, but it is not an arrangement to enter into lightly. Thinking about all these issues can help you determine if it is the best situation for you.

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