by Melissa A.F.

Created on: May 07, 2009   Last Updated: May 08, 2009

So often we take our loved ones for granted. It is easy to do. They are there for us on a daily basis and in the course of our everyday life it is uncommon to think that they will leave us suddenly.

We may not think about it everyday, but it happens to someone everyday. I should know.

My father left his earth as I was entering the first grade. His mind, crippled with severe depression, became too much for him to deal with, and his way out was taking his own life. He was in and out of the state hospital for weeks before his death, I never got to say goodbye. Just like that, with one choice, he was gone.

I wish I could say this was the only time I have had to deal with things left unsaid due to death, but it has happened numerous times. It never gets easier. However, for me there is a bit of light in these dark moments of my life and I find it my course of action throughout the years to be simple yet effective.

Death is like throwing a boulder in a pond. There is one large traumatizing action, but it is just the beginning. The waves that are made in the pond will ripple long after that boulder has settled. This is how death effects life.

My advice is to never be afraid to let the emotion out in whatever way you have to. Bottling up your feelings will never be helpful because sooner or later you will have to let them out and the longer you resist the harder it is going to be when you finally let go and let your emotions happen.

Do not be afraid to talk about your deceased loved one or to your deceased loved one. One of the major things that I take comfort in about my father and other loved ones who I did not get to say goodbye to is that I can keep their memories alive by choosing to celebrate their spirits which will never leave me. I fully believe heaven has ears and our loved ones can hear anything we want to say to them. It could be "I am sorry", "I love you", or anything else that was left unsaid. You must trust and believe that it will get heard. Souls live forever and because of this we have a reason to go on.

Writing is also an option I take comfort in. I have written numerous articles about suicide and find myself becoming somewhat of an advocate on the subject. This has given me a connection to my father and something tangible for me to keep his memory close to me. Writing a goodbye letter is also a good idea. Anything to get those last words out that you never got to speak. If you can express them on paper and get those feelings out, it can be a healing activity and could provide closure where there was none previously.

Individually we all have our way of dealing with grief. Find what works best for you, what gives you the most comfort, and what helps you to heal because without healing and closure you will not be able to leave the grief and take the memories with you as you move forward. Do not be afraid to move forward.

Learn more about this author, Melissa A.F..
Click here to send this author comments or questions.