by Saralyn Colon

Created on: May 06, 2009

I personally believe that children should have a say in family decisions. However, the age of the child or children should decide what decisions they should be made a part of. Children in the toddler years, first learning to speak can have a part in household decisions. My son helps choose and make dinner at night. He loves helping choose between elbows or ziti, broccoli or carrots. Also, we have a family game night where he gets to help us pick the game for the week. In this way, he knows his opinions and feelings are important to us.

As children get older, they can help with so much more. Vacations should be about the parents relaxing and taking a break, but should also have things for the children to do also. If taking a cruise, the kids could choose the cruise with more fun activities for them. If there are chores to be done, or issues in the home that need everyone's help to fix, children should be a part of that also. Have a family discussion about things and include the kids. If the dishes and laundry are backing up, make a chart and ask each child what they'd like to take care of to help. It's not a yes or no choice, but they are able to help out in their own way.

I do think though that there are a lot of household family decisions that children should not be made a part of. If you and your spouse are considering divorce, please have those discussions without the children first. I've seen, and experienced parents who've stayed together for their children and it isn't the best situation for the family. Also, decisions of that nature and magnitude are too complex for younger children to understand and handle emotionally. Can you imagine how the child would feel in the conversation? I didn't want mom and dad to split up, but they did anyways. It isn't the appropriate choice for children to be present. Also, some family decisions such as moving, or relocating farther away cannot be done with the children. Maybe work requires the relocation, or the military is bringing one parent oversees. Some decisions should be talked about with children afterwards instead of beforehand.

I do think that parents underestimate their children at times. Especially when they're young, parents tend to forget about their child's feelings. Children observe more about the family dynamic than you realize. You may be surprised how much of an opinion they really have on things. Starting with the young kids, it's important to ask them questions, and get their opinions. It opens up the line of communication between you and them and lets them know you care about what they have to say. They will grow up being well rounded children in the end.

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