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Being a parent is not easy, and there are often no defined right versus wrong ways of doing things. You try to give your children guidance, love, discipline and nurturing, as best you can. Hopefully some of the values you try to instill in your kids will stick.

But what can you do when your adorable son and daughter becomes a teen, and all of a sudden does not want to hear from you? And, when they do, they want to go against the grain of what you are trying to convey?

How can you give your teen the right direction toward being a successful adult, especially when they no longer want to listen?

Below are a few suggestions.

* Spend some quality one-on-one time with your teen.

First of all, you need to set up the opportunity to have some real talks with your teen. One good way to do that is to schedule quality one-on-one time with your son and daughter.

Do you both enjoy biking? Or do you like to go fishing with your son? Perhaps you and your daughter like to shop together.

Make it a priority to spend some time like this with your child at least once or twice a month. Then you can build a slot into this outing for actually having heart-to-heart talks.

Do not advertise this to your child, as they will likely rebel! Just find a way to make it subtly happen.

* Listen closely to what your teen tells you.

One thing that parents tend to do is too much talking. While they mean well, it's not always the right thing to do.

You can learn a lot about your teen, including what is bothering him or her, through listening. What are some of his fears about getting older? Is he worried about college? Does he have fears that he will not fit in or cannot figure out what he wants to do later in life?

Is your teen battling emotional issues such as depression? Is he or she sounding hopeless? Or does anger come into their voice more than normal?

Listen carefully. Use what you hear as a guide to help you figure out what your teen may need to hear. You can customize some of the things you want to tell your teen based on their specific needs.

If you tailor your message a bit, then your teen is more likely to really listen to what you have to say. Your message will have depth and weight to them.

* Discuss values and why it can be tough to hold yourself to them.

One of the things that most successful adults have is strong values. Hopefully you have worked to instill such values in your child far beyond the teen years.

As your teen is approaching adulthood, though, start sharing guidance that shows how these values work in the adult world. You can often use local news stories to point out whether someone else seems to have followed their values or not.

Be sure to let your teen know that there are a lot of tough decisions to be made, as well as a lot of gray areas. One thing that people tend to get hung up on is black and white thinking. Try to better equip your child to deal with the things that fall in between.

* Be a good role model.

Some of the best guidance you can give your teen about becoming a successful adult is to be a strong role model. Your teen may roll his or her eyes at some of the things you say. But, the way you carry yourself and live your life will stick with them over the long run.

Learn more about this author, Ann E. Smith.
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