by Erika Cormier

Created on: May 05, 2009   Last Updated: October 29, 2011

Something I never thought I'd experience. The uncontrollable feeling of sadness and doom after the most exciting and long-awaited experience of your life. I can't speak for everyone, however if anyone felt the way I did, then I can safely say that it is very confusing. You have a physically traumatic event, but the ending is sweet and rewarding, followed by your first days home which are tiring but joyful. After a few days, maybe even a couple weeks, I began to feel slightly depressed. Like no one cared about me anymore. I felt alone, I felt bored, confused and sad. I had never experienced depression a single day in my life, so I felt as though I had lost my mind. This would make sense to a logical mind if you had a husband who wasn't attentive, or helpful with your first and brand new child, but my family situation was the complete opposite. My husband is and was wonderful, always helping and sharing the duties, loving and affectionate to both myself and the baby at every moment, every day. So what was the problem? I still have no idea and have a hard time putting it into words. It was a quickly arriving feeling that occurred within a span of several days. I found myself crying, no-not crying, BAWLING over absolutely nothing. This was completely out of my previous and dependably stable, even-tempered, happy disposition. When my husband would come home from work, I would cry about every two hours and I mean the waterworks. He was very supportive and attentive with asking me what was wrong, of course my having no response. He was reassuring and thought it must be post-partum but I don;t think he realized just how serious it was for me inside my own head.

During pregnancy you have all this anticipation about what is to come and over a long period of time. You are showered with gifts and advice, kind word, excitement, help, all from people who love you. And then for me it seemed like suddenly it all stopped in an instant. The second I let the hospital. It was like :its all over". The baby is here and now we must change our entire way of life in every sense of the word. Looking back, I guess it all makes sense besides the hormones why this happens. Everyone tells you how much your life will change but no one could EVER be fully prepared for how MUCH will change. Just going to the bathroom when you have to, taking a shower when you want, eating, watching tv, talking on the phone, going shopping, making coffee, being tired and wanting to sleep, remembering to pay

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