by Melissa A.F.

Created on: May 04, 2009   Last Updated: May 06, 2009

I write about my father frequently which means I find myself writing about death and loss frequently. A lot of people may find this odd to want to write about grief and loss. After all, why would I want to revisit the most tragic event of my life?

I do it for a connection. I deal with loss by writing about loss. I find it comforting to be able to voice my opinion on a subject that is so near and dear to my heart. I write about suicide often and I do it not only to connect myself to him and stand up for his choice, I do it for all those other suicide survivors out there who understand the heartbreak.

I was very young when my father took his life, so I feel I have a lot of experience dealing with the loss of a parent on different levels as I have aged. I have dealt with the loss as a child, as an adolescent, and as an adult. I realize everyone grieves in their own way and I believe strongly that there are no concrete rules when it comes to mourning, but there are a few things that I believe are important to all who are suffering the loss of a parent no matter what the individual situation may be.

More often than not, those who are experiencing loss will initially want to isolate themselves. I find this to be normal and even healthy if and only if it is done for a short period of time. If you need to be alone with your thoughts and want to shut yourself off from your everyday life for a bit, then do it if it gives you comfort. However, do not shut yourself away for so long that you get stuck in that mode. Eventually you will need to deal with the loss on another level and this will include facing the situation and facing the world. It can be intimidating which is why I believe a short isolation period can be beneficial for recharging your batteries and giving yourself a break before you enter back into a life that will forever be changed.

This leads me to another subject. Change. Most of us do not like it and losing a parent is a change on a massive level. However, you have to recognize that life is not as you know it anymore. Once you can do this, you can begin the long healing process.

When you are in healing process, you must realize this can take years. It has been over 20 years since my father has been gone and there are still times I will write about him and find myself crying. This is OK and natural. Do not be afraid to show your emotions and let yourself feel. Feeling is healing. I strongly suggest writing about these feelings in any capacity that you find comforting. Writing can especially be an important tool for those who have trouble releasing their emotions.

The bottom line is, do whatever you need to do to feel. Let it out. Talk about it to your deceased parent out loud if you want to. There are many times I look at my dad's picture and speak. It is OK to be angry at the situation, it is OK to be sad or lonely. If you want to yell or cry then do it. Do not be "brave" or put on a show for other people. You may think you are being strong for other people but in reality bottling up feelings is only going to make you weaker in the process. Choose to be strong.

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