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With 50% of marriages ending in divorce, there is not much left to be jolly about when thinking of living with a significant other. Then add the fact that you may have witnessed your friend's marriage crumble to her feet or you may have heard your cousin repeat over and over how bored her married life has turned out, and you will have a recipe for marriage phobia.

Being single after all, has turned quite into a trend. There are many singles out there today: you can easily spot them dining alone at restaurants or shopping on their own at the mall. However, some singles may be single because of personal choice or because they have been unfortunate in their relationships, while on the other hand, there are others that simply are single out of fear.

The fears may be various depending on personal experiences and conclusions drawn about the whole idea of marriage. Below are some of the most common.

-Fear of Suffering

Perhaps you had a loved one before but he or she has made you suffer. The pain was pretty significant and from that day you have felt like you would lead a happier life solo. This is more common than one would think. There are thousands of singles that have opted to live alone because they do not want to suffer.

-Fear of Commitment

Some singles fear commitment, they fear their lives will change and they will no longer be able to do the things they love to do today. They imagine changing diapers, cooking and giving up the social life they care about. They fear about the pressure of having a needy spouse that will get lonely and need constant demonstrations of love. They fear they ultimately will lose their space, independence and liberty of doing what they have always done.

-Fear of the Unknown

Because singles were never married they fear marriage because they do not know what to expect. Their minds are clouded by ''what if'' assumptions and they panic when they are unable to provide logical answers. They worry if their marriage may turn boring, if they would not have the time to commit, they worry if their careers will be jeopardized by children or if they would not make good moms and dads. These are usually individuals that tend to over rationalize and tend to hesitate in making major decisions.

If you find yourself facing any of the above dilemmas you very likely find yourself using several avoidance techniques. You may notice that you tend to stay away from social gatherings where you know you may meet somebody or you may dress and neglect yourself so to not appear interesting to others.

However, because you are not investing any energy in looking for somebody, in some cases, when somebody approaches you it is often a person that has spotted you and accepted you for who you are. Your sense of mystery may be attractive and in some cases, you may notice that this other person is not threatening at all... Then something magical happens: you notice at one point, that you no longer have fear and that you begin to trust this person. This person will take you by the hand and guide you through the obstacles you so much feared in such an effortlessly manner that before you may have noticed, you may be wearing your wedding attire for the happiest day of your life!

Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live. Dorothy Thompson

Learn more about this author, Janet Farricelli.
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