by Leeanna Haugen

Created on: May 04, 2009   Last Updated: May 06, 2009

You finally find the one you can't live without. You get engaged and start planning the wedding. You get married and go on the honeymoon and you can't wait to start your life together. Then, you come home and realize that you actually have to start living the "life" you dreamed of. After all those years of searching for the right one, you finally have them and you don't quite know how to act.

Marriage can be a harsh wake-up call if you are not ready for it. Many people expect it to be so much like a fairytale they forget that people are human and life is hard. The realities of life can harm many marriages. There are also a lot of adjustments to be made when transitioning from the single life to the married life. The decisions you make are now made with your other half. This can lead to arguments over a difference of opinion. This is definitely not what you were imagining while you were daydreaming of marriage.

The little things are always the things that get to people. Most people plan for the big things. Finances, children, and religion are usually discussed prior to marriage. The things that people do not think to discuss are things like where to spend holidays, how the chores will be distributed, who is responsible for actually paying the bills, who gets the remote, etc... These little things can evolve into a huge nightmare. Often, these things combine and leave a person feel like they really didn't know who they married.

In reality, only time will tell you all there is to know about a person. So, thinking you know everything is a fatal flaw. You should expect little things you were unaware of to pop up. Your spouse is also a growing and changing human being just like yourself. People do not stay the same. Experiences and age shape people through the course of their life. This is the reality. What can people do about this?

Well, the only thing a couple can do to counter this is to evolve together. Having similar experiences helps couples to grow together. This also strengthens the bond that a couple has. The breakdown of this bond is what will ultimately destroy a marriage.

Marriage is work. Now that you have the guy/girl you may not feel like there is a need to court them and spend so much time with them. In reality, that is how you got so close to begin with. So, what happens if you take that closeness away? Above all else, people love to feel that they are loved and appreciated. Marriage can be hard when their are feelings of resentment caused by one person failing to SHOW the other that they are loved and appreciated.

When you marry, you do have hardships and there are things to work through. Time is going to be the only thing that will tell you all there is to the person. Having a close bond and showing the other how much they are loved and appreciated can make minor disagreements and irritants stay minor. It is hard to always think of another person when making decisions. That is why marriage must be taken seriously. It is not only about the big things. How many people have all the money they need for bills but forget about the little things that are just important...like toilet paper? The little things are sneaky and can cause just as much turmoil as the huge ones.

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