by Keith Needham

Created on: May 04, 2009   Last Updated: June 29, 2009

There are several ways to ruin your sleep which are actually quite easy to accomplish. Since we are all looking for ways to ruin a good night's sleep, I thought I would submit my ideas lest your attempts haven't been working very well lately. My best idea is to spend the entire day drinking coffee. Make it the caffeinated kind - perhaps throw in a few Mt. Dews as well. Oh, and since coffee is a diaretic, be sure to drink lots of water during the day as well. If the caffeine does not keep you awake, the hourly trips to the bathroom will. I have found this to be a very cheap way of ruining a good night's sleep.

Another good way of ruining sleep is going to bed angry. Holding one's anger until bedtime, and then brooding upon the rage that has built up inside is a great way to stay awake. Planning revenge is sweet - and the bedroom is the best place for the plannning. Especially if the person with whom you are angry is your spouse. Perhaps you could even spend some time brooding out loud, or just laying beside the other person hurting and nursing your grudge silently.

Another great way to ruin your sleep - and perhaps a more interesting one - is to pick up a novel or story that you have always wanted to read. Try to pick one which is especially engrossing. You will have to eschew self-discipline here, as well as your innate sense of responsibility; but once you have overcome these hurdles you will be ready to read the night away. Horror novels can be particularly helpful if you are a fast reader, for then the story is more likely to embed itself in your mind. At best, you will sleep fitfully here - though if the story is actually scarey, it might be enough to keep you awake.

Worry and stress are also particularly helpful. Conjure up your most cherished fears and those terrifying situations which life has so frequently to offer. It is particularly helpful to run possible solutions to imagined problems around in your mind - or if you are very talented, perhaps you can spend your entire night imagining all the various ways in which your plans may go awry. It is particularly helpful if the conjured up situations affect your status, or your self-esteem - or even better, your money or personal security. Brooding about these situations is an excellent tool in this task of staying awake.

A final great way to ruin your night's sleep is to have your children, wife, husband, or neighbors throw one of those good, old, loud, all-night parties. Be sure to ask them to turn the radio up loud, and then make sure you have speakers which applify the bass notes so that they shake the entire house. The old Disco music, or some of this more modern Hip-Hop stuff, are excellent musical choices, as they have an excessive amount of erratic bump, ba-bump, bump ba-ba-bump bump. A great many people running in and out of the house slamming doors are particularly effective also; and if you can get them to run in and out of your room yelling obscenities, this may also be particularly helpful. Add to this, if you are really a glutton for punishment, some good stimulants and/or anti-depressants, and you will have completed your recipe for another sleepless disaster.

In all, one must sometimes be quite ingenious and creative in coming up with devices to ruin your sleep. I wish you well in your endeavors; and have a another great sleepless and restness night. Good day.

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