Geeks are brilliant in server rooms, on the battlefields of online
gaming, and at individual workstations trouble-shooting the latest ball-lightning slider served up by Windows. But when it comes to looking after their own health, they approach the task like neophytes trying to set up a routable protocol using NetBEUI.
In the sedentary universe of geeks, there is no "breakfast," "lunch" or "dinner" during the undertaker's-hours they keep. There are merely meals, which usually consist of pizza, Mountain Dew and continuous sugar-shock-therapy delivered by a steady regimen of gobstoppers, licorice and other assorted candy.
Nobody wants to do away with these simple pleasures, but a closer look should be taken at the health-effects - and livable alternatives - to this singular diet.
First, the demands upon geek physiology need to be examined: long hours, continuous problem-solving, high levels of concentration, a need not only for wakefulness, but a honed surgeon's-alertness.
Snacks
The gaps between meals sometimes seem interminable, so a scaffold-system of snacks and nibblies sustains geeks. The potato chips and nachos taste awesome going down, but an hour, or so, later comes the crash. It's like painting yourself into a corner with chip dip. The scaffold of snacks need not be abandoned, but its settings should be tweaked.
Trade in the chips for nuts. Mix raw almonds with shelled pistachios. Unsalted peanuts take a little getting used to, but they're a handy, filling snack. I hear a voice in the balcony suggesting to also add raisins. I've never met a person in my life who actually liked raisins. If you're that one person, great! As they say in Newfoundland, Canada, "Fill yer boots!" Brazil nuts are among the best snacks because they contain selenium, which improves brain function.
Defragging Brain Function
Life without coffee is not worth living. Contrary to popular belief, espresso and cappuccino do not contain more caffeine than regular coffee. The reason being - caffeine levels increase the longer it takes the water to filter through the coffee. With espresso and cappuccino, the water filters through for only about 15 seconds, rendering it low on caffeine scale. French press coffee, on the other hand, is high on the caffeine scale because the water has time to soak up all those important oils from the coffee. Caffeine is proven to sharpen alertness and enhance concentration, but don't nullify this positive by killing your coffee with sweeteners.
Meals
Carbs
want more carbs. Eat your burgers, enjoy your bratwurst, but get rid of the buns. You're probably as apt to eat a salad as you are to browse the Web with Internet Explorer 5, but not all salads are bland excursions into a taste-bud black hole. Greek salads with grilled chicken will surprise you. Or, try a Caesar salad as a side, rather than fries.
While on the subject of heresy, consider substituting your pop of choice with its diet equivalent. Diet pop still has the needed caffeine, and getting used to the taste is easier than you think. Do the math. A can of Coke has 280 calories. A slice of pizza has 180 calories. Switch to diet pop and keep your pizza. Six regular Cokes have the same amount of calories as nine slices of pizza. It's possible to hack your diet, keep some of the things you love, and still get on a healthy track.
You'd never let your anti-virus software get so far out-of-date
Geeks, use those arms and legs The Great Programmer gave you! On your next rest room break, take the stairs and use one on another floor. Make a pact with yourself that when you have a meeting on the next floor or two floors away from your office, you'll use the stairs. Start small. Nothing is gained by giving yourself an aneurysm on some Herculean hike up 15 flights of stairs. If stairs are too much at first, walk to a rest room that's further away on the same floor. Your micro-managing boss won't like the extra time you spend away from your job, but he also won't be at the head of the line to donate an organ to you when your health inevitably seizes up and fails.
Think of all those stranded data packets in your bloodstream waiting to get to their destinations. Get moving, get your blood going, and get those packets home!
One-offmanship
Once, during a late-night gallow's-humor conversation with some IT guys, I observed a macabre sort of one-upmanship (more like "one-offmanship"), as the techs discussed what appendages, faculties and senses they could probably live without. Most agreed they could live without legs. An equal number could live without a sense of smell and taste. The conversation seemed to presage evolution giving us a futuristic, mutant creature: the one-eyed, one-eared, no-legged, one-armed Geeko Sapien
who could neither smell nor taste anything.
Until that day, IT workers have the same bodies as everyone else. Sedentary lifestyles and mercenary diets will invariably lead into the tangled mangrove of weight gain, rampant cravings for junk food, and the onset of heart disease, diabetes and risk of heart attack and stroke. And contrary to popular belief, the rays coming off computer monitors do not contain Vitamin D.
Don't Be Another Casualty of the Tubes
Before you undertake any sort of diet or exercise regimen, consult a doctor. The sooner, the better. We need you geeks! Who else is going to keep the InterWebs flowing through the Tubes?