by Lisa Cara

Created on: May 03, 2009

I have a lifetime of experiences, some of them could have been soul crushing if I had allowed my soul to be crushed. Some of them have been, there are not adequate adjectives, ecstatic and uplifting are not sufficient. The latter helped sustain me through the former. I have a vision, balance can be achieved.

I have been described as Bi-polar, so what? Most people compare life to a roller coaster. Dizzying heights, speedy plunges, heavy g pulling curves sound suspiciously Bi-polar to me. I had a problem because I love rollercoasters. My personal rollercoaster ran through an abyss and over a mountain. One day while I was doing maintenance on my coaster, I glimpsed a molehill beneath my mountain. On study, my mountain was composed mostly of what I put there. Suddenly I was looking into the abyss between me and the mountain, and my coaster had vanished! I chose not to jump, I took a scary rope bridge, and it was exhilarating. I still love rollercoasters, but I am throwing the mountain to the abyss, when done, neither will intimidate me again. Next on the list, enable others to tackle theirs.

All of this prosey comparison equates to perspective. I have discovered the closer my perspective was to raw emotion, the more distorted it became, adding to the raw emotion. The key to healing is to correct the perspective and this requires some dispassionate self-examination. I am well aware of how difficult it becomes to step back and see the factual whole. No matter how bad the facts were I accept them, I accept they cannot be changed. I see that there were other facts I may not have had, or failed to recognize. I begin to see the whole of the parts. There were other possible outcomes, I am prepared for future like circumstances, "if only" is a negative-disreguard it. I now choose to be whole, the journey has made me who I am, and will continue to improve me if I choose. I can not change not one thing about the past, but I can choose how I view it, mountain or molehill is a choice, it is just that the molehole is closer to truth, I suspect the molehill can be given to the abyss as well, but maybe the tiny coaster can be fun too.

Leveler ground has a certain peaceful bliss I could not see hurtling around on the coaster. I sure am glad I chose to get off the coaster and examine the mountain. I am grateful I realized I had the choice all along. As a bonus, I found the path I was set on long ago, now I see I rode the coaster far too long. But, I do not want to run to make up time, walking suits me for now.

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