by Joanne Lynch

Created on: May 03, 2009

Insecurity: Why I feel the way I do

Someone, somewhere, made you feel "less than". Less than what? Less than them? Why would someone want to make you feel "less than" them? To feel better about themselves? Exactly.

Insecurity affects us all. Everyone is insecure about something. It may not look that way on the outside, when they are walking all over you or talking above you. It may not appear that way when it appears they have everything going for them, a strong leader, fierce determination, and a strong drive. However, we all have insecurities.

Insecurities come through experiences and from past learned behaviors. Sometimes, these very insecurities drive us toward individuals that continue to validate our insecurities and make them stronger. This is because we know no differently. Take for instance, the victim of abuse. Sometimes victims of abuse gravitate toward people that abuse them. After all, if one is taught that they are not good enough, they will not expect better from others.

I have known a lot of so-called leaders that are very insecure. How do I know that they are insecure? They will desperately try to control everything. Everything? Yes, everything. Individuals who are insecure will attempt to gather compliments, project a feeling of control, and be controlling. It is the only thing that helps them push the insecurities deep down inside in an attempt to hide their own weaknesses.

Leaders who micromanage often have deep seeded insecurities. Leaders who are passive aggressive and do not lead by example, or practice what they preach, are often insecure. A good leader will nurture an individual's strength. They will not only ask for a Team effort, they will give a Team effort. An insecure leader is on nobody's Team but their own. Usually, they are too busy attempting to make themselves look good and others look bad, for their own sense of importance and self-righteousness, and to hide their own insecurities.

How do we overcome insecurities? By believing in ourselves and by loving ourselves. It starts with saying that we deserve better and we are better. Nobody has the power over us unless we want them to have power over us. We call those shots, not anyone else. If we want to be better, get better, act better and DO better, it starts inside. It begins with "me".

Insecurities are built up from experiences and by being subjected to other's weaknesses. Sometimes, in order to get over fears, we have to face them. Insecurities can be equated with fears. Fear of the unknown, fear of shame, guilt or embarrassment. Stop the insecurities. It starts with YOU.

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