by Patricia Sabina

Created on: May 03, 2009   Last Updated: May 05, 2009

No matter what age you are, or what the circumstances are, when you lose a friend it can have a devastating impact. The longer you knew your friend and the closer you were, the harder it will be to cope with your loss.

You can expect a range of intense emotional responses which may take you by surprise and just when you think you are moving on, you hit another wave of turmoil and confusion. It is important to know that everyone responds to grief in a different way. Coping strategies that work for another may not mean anything to you. Here are some points that may help you cope and make sense of what has happened, whether the loss is due to death or a split in relationship.

Well-meaning friends and family members may be very sympathetic for a time, but six months or a year on, they may start telling you it's time you moved on. Each of us has to find our own way to process the pain of loss and it will take as long as it takes. Only you know how and when that will be.

Consider some sessions with a Counsellor where you can express your feelings, thoughts and concerns. You will be able to explore what is foremost in your mind and you won't be judged for the way you feel. Counsellors are trained to help process the painful feelings we tend to avoid and the reflections of another can help us see things from a bigger picture perspective.

Suppressed feelings only intensify and will find a way out eventually. You may be holding back tears because you think if you start, you might never stop. You will be able to stop, and you will certainly feel much better for allowing your tears.

Set some time aside for periods of reflection, either starting on the day you first met, or working from the present backwards through time. Recall the life and events you shared together, the enjoyable times and the difficulties. You may wish to do this alone, with mutual friends, or family members. By doing this, you honour and celebrate the life of your friend and your unique relationship.

A relationship that ends suddenly and unexpectedly brings about shock. The best way to manage shock is to take one small step at a time. Take extra special care of yourself and don't make important decisions at this time since the thinking mind does not function well while in shock.

Surround yourself by people who are supportive and kind. You have choice about the company you keep and you don't have to spend time with difficult or demanding people at this time.

The death of a friend inevitably brings home the certain knowledge of our own mortality. It can help us review our own lives and spark the changes we need to make now, rather than putting off the things we want to do until later.

In time you will be able to take in the fact that you will never see your friend again. You may in time accept that they have gone and won't be coming back. Gone, yes - but not forgotten.

Learn more about this author, Patricia Sabina.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.