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still has to cook that dinner? It's got to be healthy, include all food groups (or more veggies, depending on how many you managed to include in their other meals that day) and be served at a time that accommodates your husband's schedule.

This leads to the real crux of the work/don't work dilemma: your personal stores of energy. Do you have the emotional resources to do this every day? Working at any job requires a certain amount of frustration, putting up with irritating people or circumstances, and, especially if you are working with children, patience with unwanted behavior. Some people are blessed with an abundant tolerance for these things. Most of us have a finite supply. There were days when I felt depleted by the time I started my afternoon with my children. I was already used-up and needed them to be patient with me, rather than the other way around.

Of course this changes from day to day. On the days you feel charged and stimulated you might have more to offer your children from having had adult time away from the demands of motherhood. You come at things from a more centered place with less resentment and a fresher point-of-view. On other days, you are overwhelmed, out of energy, feel like you're just getting through and, therefore, are less inclined to put their needs first.

So, obviously some things are going to fall through the cracks if you are working, even part-time. Compromises are going to be made. Something has got to give. So when you're deciding whether or not to work you will have to decide what compromises you are willing to make. Will you drop the piano lessons? They're expensive and require daily practice. Will you skip basketball this season? Or will you spend less time talking to each other about the little goings-on of the day?

When you work, the pace of your life changes. You are almost always in a hurry. You are usually doing at least two things at once: balancing your checkbook and helping with homework, cooking dinner and planning the carpool schedule, making the bed and shouting out "don't forgets", etc... Your mind is rarely dedicated to the task at hand. So what is lost here?

And that's a question that deserves some attention because without a doubt, something is lost in the hurry-up lifestyle. Some of the things that are first to go are teaching kids basic skills, such as folding laundry, rather than just doing it yourself, board games, baking, taking a wait-and-see approach, daydreaming and reading out loud together.

So as I say, I don't have the answer. And that is because there is not just one answer to this question. Every situation is specific to the individuals involved and what their goals and priorities are. So if you can be clear on what those things mean to you, then it's possible to configure an arrangement that works for you and your family. Maybe you can choose a job that doesn't take too much out of you. In the infinite variety of working arrangements out there it is possible to find one that allows you to keep that critical sense of balance-the sense of not giving up too much for yourself, but also not taking too much from your children.

Learn more about this author, Nicole Nortier.
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