by Wonda Waide

Created on: May 02, 2009   Last Updated: May 11, 2009

I am a candidate for the women who has hated her body and dieted her whole life. I have struggled with my weight my whole life always thinking I was to fat. I had lost weight and gained back like most women with pregnancy. Nevertheless, I was a big girl my whole life and I always thought my body image was what had made me, me. It took me until I was 32 to find out the truth about myself.

I remember sitting one day and I went to cross my legs and could not fully cross them. That was enough to make me say, I have to loose weight. I did lose weight with hard work, control and motivation.

There was a person who was interested in me and I thought, to myself at the time, if he is interested in me now he will really like me when I lose weight. This is how I had always thought. I starved myself and exercised everyday to lose over seventy pounds. I was finally happy, I thought.

I could finally go into a store and go pick out clothes I wanted. I felt happier and more confident. My self-esteem was at an all time high. My hard work had paid off.

Then one day my friend's children ages 12 and 13 who I have known since they were babies came to visit me. I was proud to show myself off to them. The last time we all saw each other I was a size 16-18 and they were happy to, as it seemed. I soon found out something differently that changed my whole outlook on my body image.

They had told their mom I looked funny skinny and that they liked me better fat. They were use to me being big. That is just how they always saw me, and seeing me skinny just did not seem to be me. They said my personality was the same but they wished I were still fat. That became my truth. It took me 32 years to figure out my image of myself did not mean being skinny. I made me by personality and weight. My body image I thought I should be was just a superficial body image, and not the true me.

My weight was what defined me but the image I thought I should be became to be fictitious. I was deeply moved by there words of sincerity. What beautiful children could see something that I could not? My whole life had been defined by my weight within myself. The person I was all along was what defined me and I never saw it. I am not the same as I was back then. I love me for me no matter what weight I am. I will never let my body image define the person I am ever again. I am going to be defined by the person I am not by the size of my weight. I am a great person at 160 pounds just as I am at 240 pounds.

Understand I was never obese for my height of 5'8. I was always in a size 16-18, which that is how everyone knew me to be and never like or dislike-like me more or less because of weight. I never saw it that way. I do still choose the same path as I did when I was excising every day but I do not starve myself no more. In addition, I do try to watch what I eat. I realize that dieting is not a cure all it is only a temporary solution. Therefore, I made a life change in maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Some days are good and some days are not but food is not my enemy anymore.

I make sure that I get plenty of fruit and cut out soda. Making sure to watch the food I eat and not eating two whole items at each serving. I have cut out a big part of my added sugars every day, adding plenty of water, fiber, fruit and vegetables. These are just simple starts to help eat healthier.

If we all just learn to believe in ourselves and remember we can loose all the weight we want but the person we are inside is always still the same and if we don't love ourselves from the inside how are we to love ourselves from the outside?

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