by Adele Gregory

Created on: May 02, 2009   Last Updated: May 03, 2009

When greed tears families apart the rip can leave such frayed edges that the family's sense of its own identity and history begins to unravel.

The obvious reaction How could they DO that? is only the tip of the iceberg. It can be followed by more searching questions. How long have they been like this? What made them this way? What else might be come to light? Where do other family members stand? Who else is not the person I thought they were? Unexpected acts of greed can force a revision of everything you once took for granted and fill your photo album with strangers

It may be small consolation but mercenary relatives are nothing new. History abounds with tales of family members dispensing with one another en route to greater wealth and power and this wasn't restricted to the princely classes. Shakespeare's King Lear may have had opportunistic daughters turning against a kingly father but it's said to have been inspired by accounts of a mother and her sons wrangle over a humble shop.

Blood ties are arguably strongest when the threat comes from without. Kinsmen are natural allies when there's a need to protect or further the interests of the clan and its members against outsiders. But when potential profits are on the inside, family dynamics can prompt some people to acts they would never attempt against strangers.

On the surface, trying to get more than one's fair share would seem to be a matter of opportunity for those so inclined. People have a greater awareness of family assets and better access to them than other sources of unearned wealth. Family members also make soft targets. They are usually more trusting, want to be helpful and give ample benefit of the doubt. They are also less inclined to blow any official whistles or take legal recourse.

But with families things are rarely straightforward. Beneath an apparent act of greed there's often a sea of resentment. If you were to ask "which relatives are most likely to be avaricious?" the best answer would be "angry ones" those with a chip on their shoulder or an axe to grind. It could be a child who's always felt displaced or pushed to the back. Or a care-giver who believes that he or she's been forced to carry a disproportionate share of the burden. This is what makes family greed so difficult to confront. Predatory relatives have usually convinced themselves that they are entitled to more than their fellows. They can convince others, too, which is sometimes how they get their hands on what doesn't rightly belong to them in the first place and why they frequently get way with it.

When greed or deception shake the foundations of a family, there's usually no going back. But there is a forward. The family evolves and re-forms (albeit with a new sadder-but-wiser caution). Some relationships are damaged or lost, but others can be unexpectedly strengthened. And over time, younger generations mature to bring in new blood and form new bonds.

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