by Melissa A.F.

Created on: May 02, 2009

My mother is a nurse and has been for over 35 years. During her long career taking care of other people, she has witnessed families in their most vulnerable and heartbreaking moments. She has also witnessed patients who are suffering and families who would rather they hold on for as long as possible and delay the inevitable despite the wishes of the patient who is enduring the pain.

My mother's experiences have led to her having a very strong opinion on this subject and she is vocal about it when the topic arises. She does not want to be on life support and she has told me this repeatedly.

My mother is not only a nurse, but at times she is a patient. She suffers from COPD, a progressive lung disease that stems from her years of smoking. The smoking days are over but the disease is here to stay. While this disease is a slow progression, the signs that it is slowly taking over her life are there. Her breathing is restricted, I hear her gasp for air at times and it breaks my heart. She is my whole world and I would do anything for her. That is why, someday far from now I hope, when this disease takes over in a more aggressive manner, I may be in the position to make a choice to keep her on this earth and let her continue to suffer or to let her go and let her rest.

Even as I write this knowing she is breathing and as healthy as she can be considering her lungs, I am getting teary eyed. I am only human after all and I want my mom on this earth as long as possible. However, I previously said I would do anything in the world for her as she has done for me, and if that times comes I will respect her wishes.

I understand why people want their loved ones on life support, it delays the pain of loss. While it is a hard decision to make, it can also be a selfish one. Loss is inevitable so all you are doing is putting a band aid on a bullet wound. When you truly love someone you want to give them peace and ease their pain as much as you can. By keeping someone on life support against their wishes you are not only disrespecting their choice about their life, you are prolonging their pain.

When it comes to loved ones and life support, it is time to put aside your preferences and truly put yourself in the patient's shoes. Understand their situation and know that ending their pain is more important than delaying your own pain over the loss. Keeping someone alive on a machine will not bring back the person you know and love, it is only prolonging the suffering for all involved.

There will be a time when I will be selfish, I will want my mom here as long as I can have her. However, I will then remember that because I love her, I have to do what she wants. I have to give her the gift of peace the way she would want it. Until then I plan on holding onto her and keeping her close so that when I have to let her go, I will find solace in the way she lived.

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