by Olivia Bredbenner

Created on: May 02, 2009   Last Updated: September 27, 2011

It wasn't supposed to be this way I said to myself as I realized the journey that I had bought into.

He was the senior white knight that rescued me, and now I was beginning to realize that it will be I that will be rescuing him and keeping his world intact. I will be the one to walk by his side and see to it that he stays focused. I will compensate when I have to , and lead the white horse he so proudly rides.

As seniors we were not in search of a youthful passion, but welcomed it as a great surprise. Our meaningful relationship blossomed as we bonded , together sharing what meant the most to us our families.

We mutually decided that marriage would complicate our union. As we each had independently created a sound structure to our life. However, in spite of his significant lie about his age, he being much older. We carved out a life together and melded our families over a period of nine years. We became engaged not to marry, but to share our lives together for as long as we were blessed to do so.

It is understandable that by the time we were seniors, we both had rhythms of our own. He to this day impresses me with his strong constitution and self discipline. He works out at the YMCA three days a week. Donates blood about four times a year. And as an avid reader devours on the average three books a week.

Out going and very friendly he befriends many, and together we love entertaining friends and family. A lust for life is common to us both and so is the energy and health we have been blessed .

So whats wrong with this picture you ask ? Its a mask, a face that covers confusion by bluffing. Not easily detected by strangers. It is a dangerous state of mind that I have to be aware of on a daily basis. It is not one that he will admit ot knows it exists. So I live in his world but alone.

Severe short term memory problems mean that some days he is clear as a bell. Other days confused by what is ordinary. What seems to work best is the structure he has in place. It is sound it is real and it works well for him and for me as well. I can count on him being focused with the physical rituals and tasks he has in place. I recognize that he feels best with a task or role he must play.

Its the abstract that becomes confusing. The unexpected. The simple things that become monumental. The struggle to carry on the roles that life has given him. " I have to look good for you" And this he does. With immaculate grooming. But, to remember to look at his watch rather than ask

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