by M.R Vavala

Created on: May 02, 2009

I could not sleep.

It did not surprise me anymore.

Yet, I still went through the motions. But- when I lay in bed and closed my eyes, sleep did not come.

The night was long, and the rythm of his snoring- was soft and low at first, until reaching a cacphony so loud, I swear the

neighbours could hear it from their own bedrooms.

My mind wondered as it always did.

A young girl with dreams.

Exotic dreams, that made her wish her days away.

"Head in the clouds!" Wasn't that what her Father would say?

God bless him now, wherever he lay. I suppose he would say, "See? Was I right?"

Oh Dad, if only you had shown some enthusiasm. Given me encouragement. But- then again, you had never encouraged

Mother eiither.

I remember when she came home one day from the grocery store. She looked so happy. It was one of those rare times, that

she was happy.

You screamed and berated her, she cowered into herself.

And there she was, the woman I knew. It did not take long for her to change back into the woman you had made her. The only

woman I really knew.

I still don't know what it was all about.

I suspect it was something that you would not allow her to do.

I am sure, it was about something you would not let her do. Right Dad?

I liked her more when you passed away.

I think because I was able to truly see the person she was and could not be with you.

We spoke more like friends, she told me her dreams.

Why Dad, did you do it to her first, then me?

Why was it so hard for you, to let us live our lives?

Its all borrowed time.

Mine.

But- yet, I never felt like it was.

Curfews, rules, bounderies. That's not life Dad.

You know, I think- quite suddenly it has come to me...

What did you dream of Dad?

What did you want to be?

A pilot?

A firefighter?

A man in the sea?

Why did you then, drop out of school?

And stand in a production line, that made meaningless garbage?

Day in day out for fifty years. Becoming a robot, yourself. Not letting yourself laugh, or love us. Yes, i think it's true. Did you

despise me? Did you live with regret? Was I the one that held you back? Did you marry Mother because it was the right thing

to do? Is that what you thought? Or, asked to do?

Is that what happened Dad?

Is that when you stopped living your life and just sailed through it? Did it by habit? Was there ever a time, when you felt

enthused? Wanted much more, but- just gave up...

When did you stop dreaming?

When did it end?

When did sleep stop coming when you lay in your bed?

You do know though, I am sure that you do.

When you stopped dreaming, you took away mine too...

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