by Alcomum

Created on: May 01, 2009

AA is nothing like I expected. It is not all scary old men. Drunk. It has enabled me to see myself and my life very differently. And it is the reason that I sit here at 9pm on a Friday sober and content. Here is my personal account of what AA has been like for me this week:

It amazes me that I have days where I realise that I have no inclination whatsoever to drink. I never thought that was possible - and it was certainly not possible for me! But I have heard it said in Alcoholics Anonymous many times that all of us are never more than an arm's length away from the next drink. I recently encountered another AA who slipped up and drank this week. After 15 years of sobriety. There are no guarantees - other than the fact that alcoholism is a serious, progressive disease that has no known cure. As our Big Book says, "at certain times the alcoholic has no effective mental defence against the first drink". It doesn't matter whether that alcoholic has 20 days sobriety or 20 years. We are all in the same boat. We are all potentially vulnerable.

I had a major wobble on Monday. I was set for a bottle of wine. And I didn't care. And I truly believed that I would only drink for that one night, and then I would start over again with sobriety on Tuesday. Even though I knew that did not sound like even a remote possibility for me. I have tried to control my drinking for years with no success. And I have read and heard of alcoholics who maintain a period of sobriety, whether or not in AA, and end up back on the downward spiral because they thought they could handle just one drink. I knew I was no different. But still I didn't care. I wanted a drink. Followed by the rest of the bottle. Or bottles. Oblivion was looking like a very attractive destination. And I had bought my ticket for the ride, and was just waiting for the bus. Impatiently. And kind of hoping 2 might come at once... It was the closest I have yet come to breaking my efforts to avoid that first drink just for today.

The only reason I didn't was that I did what was suggested in AA. I spoke to another alcoholic. Reluctantly and against my better judgement. But I did it. Because even in my obsessive haze, I heard a bell ringing about "just keep coming back and doing what is suggested and YOU WILL NOT HAVE TO LIFT A DRINK EVER AGAIN". And speaking to another alcoholic when we want a drink is suggested. I didn't believe it would work. In fact, my true intention was to ditch the other alcoholic as quickly as possible on

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