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Sibling rivalry is classic among all families. But, does it have to be? Does being siblings mean that you should have an inherent rivalry between you?

Ideally, the answer is no. But, living in close quarters with anybody will turn innocent, "natural" competition into something personal. Everybody has a competitive nature, but there is nothing more intense and more competitive than the rivalry between siblings.

Freud characterized sibling rivalry in a way that made sense only to him (and a few of his followers, of course). He concluded that all children are fighting solely for their mother's love and attention. But, is this necessarily the case in every sibling relationship that exists and has existed?

If you want to create healthy, sibling relationships, then the following tips may be of use.

First, you will want to communicate effectively and efficiently. This means that if you get into heated arguments, you should not resort to yelling, screaming, calling each other names, and generally saying things that you will regret later on. Instead, you should sit down and talk like civilized adults.

Always establish boundaries. In any relationship, establishing boundaries and respecting those boundaries usually creates healthy relationships. Remember that a relationship involves the interaction and contribution of two people (sometimes more, especially in familial relationships).

Most importantly, get to know one another. Most siblings spend their lives not knowing each other. This is unfortunate, for they could become some of the best friends we would ever have. Spend quality time together and communicate with one another. You can do this in a variety of ways, but make sure that you are doing things that both of you like. That way, communication will flow easily and you won't (hopefully) get into heated arguments.

Siblings, as mentioned before, are naturally competitive. But usually, outward competition will die down after the teenage or young adult years. However, that competition will continue to exist as long as the siblings live. However natural that competition may be, the siblings should not let it get in the way of establishing good relationships with one another. It is like two best friends entering a "best pie" contest. Hopefully they will remain best friends even if one of them wins.

Sibling rivalry has broken too many families and for no good reason. It is unreasonable for any of us with siblings to assume that we can't be on good terms with our brothers and sisters.

Learn more about this author, Joan Inong.
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