by Joan Inong

Created on: May 01, 2009

The ideal relationship between brothers and sisters is obviously different from the realistic relationships that exist between brothers and sisters. We all would like to think that brothers and sisters will get along, and even if they did have fights, they would learn to forgive and forget. But for some, forgiveness and forgetting are two concepts that repel.

Anyone who has had either a brother, a sister, or both will know a little bit about sibling rivalry. Sibling rivalry does not necessarily stem from the desire to be the "favorite" among one's parents. In fact, sibling rivalry can also be attributed to a sort of natural competition that arises between people, especially those living in close proximity to one another.

Already, childhood describes and shapes the development of the relationships between siblings. If that childhood is full of rife, however, that rife does not necessarily imply that that type of hostile relationship will continue throughout the siblings' lives. This observation is apparent in many sibling relationships, even my own. Yet, what can explain the change that happens?

Perhaps, it also has something to do with maturity. Maturity focuses one's relationships, even those between siblings. Whether or not maturity directly accomplishes the creation of friendly terms between siblings is not entirely clear, but it is apparent that maturity helps to explain why siblings take focus away from creating antagonism and instead direct it towards community. If the old adage, "Blood is thicker than water" is applied to sibling relationships, we find that genetic relationships can enhance social relationships.

So, even if we want sibling relationships to be peaceful and loving, we cannot expect those friendly terms to exist always. What is important in this type of relationship (or, in fact, any type of serious, strong relationship) is the concept of forgiveness. Forgiveness can heal any wound, and in the case of sibling relationships, it can be the path to a life of togetherness and solidarity. For, if we can become "best" friends with people who do not share our genetic makeup, we can at least become friends with those with whom we do share genes. It is not an obligation, but neither is it a choice.

Therefore, it is entirely true that we cannot pick and choose who is in our family. But, we can learn to live together peaceably despite our differences. This not only applies to sibling relationships, but to all relationships in general.

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