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step-mother. My crime, obeying my father. They had been fighting and he wanted to leave and had told me to get my things. The term was only used that one time but it cut deeply and left scars.

Despite the old saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me" words often do more damage, leaving more lasting scars then physical abuse. Although names are just the beginning, of the horrible things, many parents say to their children. Referring to them as heathens or animals or making statements like "you are just like your mother/father", you know, the spouse who after splitting up, you berate and belittle as much as possible in front of the child, who possesses half their DNA, from that person. It may not be intended but the child ends up feeling worthless as a result. An ex-spouse/partner should never be put down in front of their child.

Sadly when a relationship fails, children often feel responsible, as if they were not good enough to keep the absent parent there and any additional negativity frequently results in damaged self esteem for the child. Many parents would be surprised if they heard the way they spoke to their children, who they claim to love so much. We all need to stop and think before we open our mouths, especially when a child is in our presence. We need to be building self esteem and confidence not shredding it. Our children watch us and often idolize us even when we aren't worthy of it. Are we calling others names in front of them? The driver who cut us off? The clerk at the store who miss-packed the groceries. Children learn far more by the examples we set, then the rules we set down for them to follow.

If you don't want your child calling others names, then you should not be calling people names. It shows a lack of respect for the person being called a name but also shows the ignorance and lack of tolerance of the person calling names.

So if the name you are calling your child or any child is negative or derogatory, I would say it should not be done. If it is a nick name and done with love then it is acceptable but it might be best to stop using the nick name as the child gets older and their friends might tease them about their nick names. Or if it has some less then positive meanings that can be attached to it. It really is possible to get through life without calling people names and while children can be very cruel to each other, it is even crueler for a parent or other adult to be so vicious. It also sets an extremely poor example for our greatest resource for the future.

Learn more about this author, Carol Wise.
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