by Kriszia Vengua

Created on: April 30, 2009   Last Updated: May 01, 2009

It's a sign of the times: meet as many people as you can, even before finishing a cup of coffee.

Speed dating may have revolutionized the way we meet people, but has it really endangered the way we look at courtship?

First, let's be realistic here. Traditional courtship has long been over. The idea of getting to know a girl, of wooing her through long walks and love letters, burned with most womens bras. A traditional courtship was usually a signal that both parties were considering marriage. Nowadays, courtship has been reduced to dating, wherein a man and a woman just agree to have a relationship. Whether or not that relationship results to marriage...I'm sure the woman can only hope.

Speed dating is a reflection of our current culture. We want things fast, and we want them now.

Traditional courtship took time. It takes months to develop a friendship, and even longer to get a first kiss! In dating, you can expect a kiss on your first date-provided that it ended well.

But nowadays, even dating is not fast enough.

The reality of it all, is that we don't have time to date. We're all so busy, that the idea of getting to know someone through a series of dates has become time too consuming.

It's not speed dating that's the problem, it's our approach to dating that's faulty.

After all, speed dating is nothing more than a starting point. You could just as easily meet someone at a bar or a trade convention. The only difference with speed dating is that you're getting a qualified lead: you already know they're looking, and a ten minute chat will already reveal if you have anything in common.

So it's not speed dating, but our attitude in moving things forward.

Speed dating is just a tool, but our quest for everything instant wants it desperately to be a magic wand. A few waves, and hopefully the perfect man or woman will magically appear right before our eyes. (How frustrating it must be when we realize that nothing is going to come out.)

You can't know a person in ten minutes, not even in an hour, or a week. And given the amount of anxiety that permeate most of these events, I doubt that you've even chatted with the real person, and not a bumbling ball of nerves. So don't expect anything out of it, other than just connecting with a person whom you might have something in common.

The way you met may have been fast, but the next phase is to take it slow. Don't pick out someone you'd like to go to bed with, but someone you'd like to hang out with first. Then talk to them, get to know them, and don't place any expectations on your second date.

If it turns out to be a dud, you'll at least you have a new friend. Then you have the rest of your life to figure out if any chemistry will develop, or you're just meant to be friends. It's a win-win situation for everyone.

The start of your relationship may have gone from 0-60 in under a few seconds, but it doesn't mean that you can't both slow down to enjoy a leisurely ride.

Learn more about this author, Kriszia Vengua.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.