by Jackie Bourke

Created on: April 30, 2009   Last Updated: May 01, 2009

Romance in marriage is missing for many people, and this makes them feel incomplete, older, unsexy, and a whole range of emotions.

But romance in marriage is often within grasp and takes perhaps the same attitude, planning and care that went into the one off day of the wedding itself. Seems ironic, but read on, for some simple tips of how to inject romance into your marriage.

Cast your mind back to how you felt in the lead up to your wedding....

You were probably so wrapped up in the whirlwind romance and all the exciting plans for your wedding that it was hard to imagine life afterwards?

This is not unusual, and especially if you had turned into an adrenalin junkie then the aftermath of your wedding may have seemed a little dull.

So on your never-ending list about seating arrangements, flowers, bridesmaids gifts, bridal silver jewellery to finish off your stunning look for you big day, getting a sober person to sit beside Uncle Bill to make sure he behaves....don't forget to make a note on how to keep the romance bubbling like a good champagne once the curtains have gone down on your big day!

If either of you, or ideally both of you, put as much planning into keeping your day to day marriage romantic and fun, there's a good chance it will be a marriage made in heaven.

Human nature encourages us to focus huge amounts of energy on bridal silver jewellery, seating arrangements, flowers and stuff all for one day in our entire lives.

And worse still, human nature becomes lazy afterwards and lets the romantic treasure that was the amazing, exciting relationship that led to the marriage, simmer down into a habitual Groundhog Day.

This is probably not helped by the still considerable gaps between some men and women, taking for example, basic things like nights out:

The percentage of women who think that the average bloke would prefer a night out with his mates to a romantic evening at home with her: 53%

Whereas the amount of men who claim they would prefer the romantic evening at home: 73%

Men define romance as "mystery, intrigue, sensuality, lingerie, passion and never-ending sex", says Doug Fields, author of Creative Romance.

It is unlikely, but not impossible, that your guy will want you to bring him flowers and chocolates.

But he will appreciate it if you do stuff that he considers romantic such as:

Be mysterious; find sexy and fun ways to break routines. Organise a date that is out of the ordinary and somehow fun and a bit exotic at the same time.

Dress up for him, and get into the role, as this is mysterious and sexy. Don't worry if you feel a bit strange at first, you can enjoy it to once you absorb the role! Buy him a present that is thoughtful regarding his interests, and where you have no benefit from it. For example tickets to a match to see his team.

Take a genuine interest in his outside life, so that the romantic friendship part of your relationship is nurtured.

Find something to do in common in your free time, even if you don't have this at the beginning of your marriage. Develop something, it can even be brand new for the two of you, if there is nothing obvious that you wish to enjoy together.

Cook a romantic dinner for him sometimes. Even if you are not a Domestic Goddess, he will appreciate the symbolism and love behind it.

The last tip is so obvious, but just in case

Orchestrate surprise sex in new surroundings, he'll love that!

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