by Helena Metcalf

Created on: April 30, 2009   Last Updated: May 01, 2009

How to find a silver lining during marital troubles

You remember exactly how your love looked on your wedding day. You remember the honeymoon, the champagne, the laughter and maybe the tears as you both set out on your journey together. You also remember your first fight. How did you recover from the heartbreaking newsflash that marriage wasn't as easy as it looked?

If you're still wedded, you found a way to get through that first fight! As the years crept by it may be getting tougher to figure out where the cracks in the marriage began to form in the first place. If you're reading this article because you just had another nasty argument with your spouse, take a deep breath and relax. There are some things to take care of first before you step back onto the path you began carving together on that special wedding day.

1. Look within. This sounds easy doesn't it? Whenever things get cloudy, start with what you know of the best. You. Take a piece of paper and fold it lengthwise in half. Make a list on the left of your goals, your dreams, and your aspirations in life. Check off those things you've accomplished and pat yourself on the back. The more check-marks you see on the paper, the more you have taken care of the important things in your life. You have to take care of yourself first, and let the rest ripple like pond water. Be the stone that begins the change in your marriage, your life, your world. It's not the size of the splash you make, but the amount of ripples to be proud of.

2. Look at your spouse. Write down on the right half what you think their dreams and desires are in life. Now comes the fun part. Don't include you in the list. Think of your spouse independently as if they were single. What do you think your spouse really wants out of life? This is an exercise in how well you two have been communicating all this time.

3. Connect the dots. Draw lines from your dreams to theirs if they match. If you find there is nothing in common with your dreams and your goals, it's time to break out the champagne and have a chat.

4. Examine your last fight. Flip over the paper and write down on your half the issues that concern you in your marriage. Everything that is bothering you that your spouse does to everything they don't do enough of. Don't be afraid to include it all. If you need a second piece of paper grab one. Believe it or not, this becomes the thread to the silver lining. Don't worry about sounding petty or superficial. If your spouse's weight is an issue,

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