by Lauren Ice

Created on: April 30, 2009

Many people assume that being married is just the same as dating, but with a piece of paper making it legal. This is simply not true. While those of you who have lived together may have a better idea, marriage is still very different. The biggest positive change I noticed in the first few months of marriage was the feeling of security that I had. We were a team now. He was my husband, I no longer had to worry about him going anywhere. The negative side was the realization that we had agreed in front of God, our families, and the State of Missouri, that we would be together forever, come hell or high water. That's an awfully big promise to make.

Five other marriage myths I learned the hard way:

1. "If I'm not happy all the time, my marriage must be failing". You will not be happy all of the time. Your spouse will infuriate you more than once, and you will stare at them in amazement that you were ever stupid enough to marry them. Then it will pass. They may have some obnoxious quirks, hold opinions that you do not agree with, or not behave like you want them to, but this does not mean you are bound to be divorced.

At times you must make your own happiness. They are not required to entertain you or make you happy, simply because they married you. It is important to keep your own friends and interests, especially as a newlywed. Most women jump into being a "wife" immediately and neglect their friends and hobbies, and then become upset when their new husband does not do the same.

2. "Fighting means our marriage is weak". Arguing is inevitable. You grow and you learn as a couple when you fight. Every married couple argues occasionally. Fighting fair is very important. You both need to argue with intention of resolving the issue at hand, which may mean compromising. Set ground rules for arguments, before you are in a fight. No name calling, no threatening divorce unless you are serious, and no walking out and slamming doors.

3. "There will always be romance". It will not always be candle light dinners and rose petals on the bed. He may forget your birthday or *gasp* your anniversary. When things cool down, it means you are in that next stage of love, the comfortable stage. While you may miss all the fireworks and flowers, recognize that you are growing in your relationship, and then do something to spice it up. Hold hands in public, surprise them with their favorite food, be thoughtful. If the passion has cooled off, try something new in the bedroom.

4. "Things will never change". Everything will change at some point. You may not notice it all at once, but someday you will look up and realize you go to bed at 10 P.M. instead of going out on the weekends and that your husband lays on the couch in his underwear and scratches himself in front of you. He will see you with the stomach flu and he will probably start peeing with the door open. Your sex life may decrease, your house may not always be clean, and you may move across the country. Then you will have children and the changes will astonish you. Learn to cope with the changes and grow from them.

5. "I'll be the perfect wife/husband". If it was that easy, wouldn't we all be perfect? You will make mistakes. He may call you a terrible name during a fight, and you may develop a gambling problem. Things happen and forgiveness is the key. While we will all make mistakes avoid making the big mistake, compromising their trust by lying or having an affair. You may never be perfect, but I bet they will love you just as much anyways.

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