by Victoria Tiegert

Created on: April 29, 2009

Insecurity is something everyone deals with in life, to one degree or another. None of us is completely secure about every single aspect of ourselves, our abilities, or our personalities. However, there are some people who suffer through an enormous burden of insecurity that seems to never leave their side, always lingering about, ready to knock down all of their dreams and ambitions. It also tends to knock down their relationships. Insecurity is actually one of the greatest killers of relationships that exists.

When an insecure person gets involved in a relationship, there is almost constant worry and fear. These feelings get transferred to their partner in very negative ways that are hard, if not impossible, for them to deal with. They may be subjected to constant questioning as the insecure person needs reassurance of their love and faithfulness more than most people would. The insecure person doubts their own value and therefore, can't imagine that another person could see something special enough in them to stay and be faithful. Distrust and fear are the bedmates of this couple and they aren't very appealing.

Over time, the person who is not facing insecurity will begin to tire of the relentless questioning and they will often leave. It isn't really that they didn't love their partner, but they feel that there is no hope for a future with someone who can't trust in their ability to love. The insecure person will make the secure person begin to feel poorly about themselves, if given enough time, and this can lead to resentment and anger towards them, even if it was never their intent to be hurtful.

There is also a good chance that the insecure person will find themselves in one unhealthy relationship after another. This may be because they are forming bonds with other insecure people to make one completely insecure relationship. It may be that they are only allowing themselves to be attracted to less than suitable mates because they don't feel that they are deserving of anyone better. These relationships may last longer than those they form with secure people, but they are typically full of heartbreak and very little satisfaction or stability.

Insecurity can undermine relationships that, in other circumstances, could be truly great. The doubts, the worries, the fears...these will eat away at the couple until they begin to crumble and move on. If you deal with this debilitating feeling of being unworthy or just not good enough, you would be doing yourself an immense favor if you got the help you need to heal and enjoy life once and for all. Don't worry about finding a relationship until you establish a good one with yourself. You will be much happier in the long run and so will your partner.

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