by Virginia L. Allen

Created on: April 28, 2009   Last Updated: May 02, 2009

Without a doubt, the most frequent cause of conflict between teens and parents has to do with the issue of independence. While extending freedom calls for balance, it is often hard to establish the proper degree that should be meted out to our growing adolescents.

This is due to the fact that granting unrestricted freedom will, and frequently has, lead to disaster. In a similar vein, teens "need to be accorded a degree of independence so that they will be better prepared to make wise decisions later in life."-"Awake!"

Therefore, just like learning to walk; gaining independence and knowing when to extend it, is a gradual process. This raises the question - When should parents extend more freedom to their teens?

* Communication.

The first step involved in extending more freedom to your teen, involves good communication. Listen to your teens concerns regarding their wishes for extended privileges. Keep in mind that they are not little babies anymore, and that along with getting older comes the added responsibilities of life in general.

Communicate to your teen that extended freedoms aren't something they are entitled to, but something they have to prove they can truly be trusted with.

* Gauge Your Teens Progress.

When it comes time to extend more privileges to your teen, look for ways your adolescent has already demonstrated his/her maturity. "Awake!" lists several things to look for to gauge your teens maturity level:

a.) "his/her choice of friends.

b.) his/her choice of clothing.

c.) how he/she budgets money.

d.) how he/she adheres to curfew.

e.) does he/she finish chores completely and on time.

f.) does he/she complete homework and school assignments on time.

g.) does he/she admit and apologize for errors.

h.) any other way he/she has shown their maturity and responsibility level."

This is an excellent gauge as to whether or not your teen is ready for the responsibility that comes along with more freedom.

Even then, parents have to be reasonable in what they expect from their teens. Without relinquishing their place as their adolescent's primary role model in life, parents can extend more of the freedom that is so desired.

* Conduct A Trial Period.

Extending more freedom on a trial basis, will enable you as a parent to determine whether or not your teen is truly ready for the added responsibility. Discuss with them the pros and cons of additional privileges, what you expect of them, and what the consequences will be if they are not handled responsibly.

Finding the right time to extend more freedom to your teens can be quite daunting. Nevertheless, by showing reasonableness, insight, and wisdom, both parents and teens can address this major milestone with much success.

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