by Marea E. Johnson

Created on: April 28, 2009   Last Updated: April 11, 2011

A "bad home life" is one where there is a lack of respect, attention, warmth, appreciation, encouragement, and love. One where criticism, belittling, demeaning, humiliation and intimidation are the order of the day.

While we all know that physical abuse and neglect most definitely constitute a "bad home life", there is, unfortunately, another form of abuse that occurs far more frequently in the average home, but goes unnoticed because there are no "outward" signs of it. This type of abuse is known as verbal and emotional, and can, over time, completely destroy the soul and spirit of its victims.

Some parents engage in this type of abuse sometimes unknowingly, but more often than not, they know exactly what they are doing, and get a kind of perverse satisfaction from bullying their children.

In fact, some parents have this kind of mental abuse so "down pat" that all they need do is give the child a certain "look", and he instantly becomes self-conscious, anxious, and afraid. Over time, this is incredibly damaging to a child's security, psyche and sense of self.

Because of the insidious nature of this type of abuse, the damage is often incalcuable, difficult to reverse, and persists throughout adolescence and adulthood. The reason for this is that a child's brain isn't completely formed, therefore, he literally cannot separate a truth from a lie. In short, the child believes everything the parent says. Unfortunately, after years of this kind of mental abuse, the brain begins to accept it as truth, and the results can be seen years later in emotionally crippled adults, who are functioning far beneath their true potential because they have no self-worth.

Just as it's important we provide our children with food, shelter, clothing, medical care, and schooling, it's just as important, if not more so, to provide them with a secure sense of themselves. Children need to know they are loved for who they are, and that a parent's love is not going to be based on whether they remember to throw the trash, or feed the dog, or get a "B" on a report card instead of an "A"..

Children need to know that their parent's love is not conditional. They need to know their parents want, and enjoy them. They need to get a pat on the back when they do something kind. They need to be talked to, listened to, and valued. There is nothing more sad than seeing a child who feels unloved, unworthy, and unwanted, except maybe to see that same child as an adult, still struggling with the same feelings of self-loathing they did as a child.

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