by Roger Crain

Created on: April 28, 2009   Last Updated: May 01, 2009

Two weeks ago, an 11 year old boy of African American descent committed suicide at his place of resident after being bullied by schoolmates at the suburban Atlanta school where he attended. The news article revealed that he had been repeatedly harassed by his alleged tormentors who verbally uttered the word "gay" in his presence. Besides the obvious stereotypical factors, what age should we start teaching our children about matters of sexual identity? According to Dr. Joy L Hoecker of MayoClinic.com, "By age 2 or 3 most children establish a clear gender identity. Often this understanding of being a boy or girl is consistent with the child's anatomical sex - but not always. In fact, sexual role playing in which the girl is attracted to male clothes, and the boy likes playing with dolls should be a matter of concern for parents." Dr. Hoecker's observation is well-taken, but how can a tragedy like the 11 year old African American boy be averted?

Here's how we can teach children about sex beginning at an early age:

1.) According to Dr. Hoecker's suggestion, by age 2 or 3 most children have establish a clear gender identity. That is, they began to explore those uncharted areas. For example, as a parent you have probably seen your 2 or 3 year old funneling with his or her genitals. That should be your clue to go to your child and instruct him or her in words of their understanding about sex and sexual matters.

2.) You could begin by saying something like this: "Playing with yourself is normal when you are in the privacy of your own room. But we never play with ourselves in public or where we might be seen." Yet, you must make sure that your toddlers understand what masturbation is and how to control their youthful urges. You must make sure you explain that pleasurable feeling children experience when they rub their genitals.

3.) Children are naturally curious; they will continue certain things especially if those things are pleasurable to do. Thus, helping your child understand that masturbation is not wrong in itself, and that the act will not stunt his or her growth; but it should be control and done only in private if at all.

4.) If your small boy is attracted to dolls or have an affinity for female clothes, then something is wrong somewhere: that is your clue to go to him and explain that boys do not play with dolls or wear girl clothes. You could possibly begin talking about how a boy's genetic make up is different from that of a girl's. Also, you should probably explain the different between masculine and feminine: "Dolls and dresses are feminine; only girls play with dolls and wear dresses. Boys play sports such as baseball and football."

Finally, only when your child is taught the aforementioned ways can he or she truly grow in respect of a healthy appreciation toward sex and sexual matters. And tragedies like the 11 year old who committed suicide will cease to exist.

Learn more about this author, Roger Crain.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.