by Mark Downie

Created on: April 28, 2009

Most relationships fail because of a lack of ability to communicate but one particular reason is a form of mental and emotional abuse - the 'obsessive' need to be in control. When someone hasn't yet fully dealt with issue's from their past relationship(s) such as trust issues, they will carry these issues into a new relationship and at some point they will bubble to the surface leading to furious arguments, intense disagreements, insane jealousy and eventually, the termination of the relationship. This sudden revelation will bring that same person back down to earth with a bump and with the same problem they had faced when they had first started out. They will constantly bombard themselves with questions such as 'why does this always happen to me?' or 'why is it I always seem to attract the same type of person into my life?'

In the midst of these troubles, most people won't fully understand the root' cause of why these things are happening to them and therefore will continue to only see things as being black and white or worse, they will only see things their way. They will be so blinded by their own pain and ignorance that they will see the issues within the relationship itself which are affecting them 'solely' as being all there is whilst at the same time closing themselves off to the fact that there is a deeper issue from their past needing addressing. This will close down the link to communication in the relationship for they will be oblivious then to the others needs and wants and therefore focused on the other solving and repairing theirs instead. They will deny any wrong doing on their part whilst blaming the other for the relationships demise. They will say things like, 'he's crazy and unstable or she's far too possessive', 'he doesn't like me going out on my own' or 'she tries to control me.' As the relationship sinks deeper and deeper into turmoil, they will blame the other for being the 'source' and the 'cause' of the relationships breakdown, when in actual fact it is them as an individual who have the problem with not being able to let go of the past.

In order to move on from anything in life, you first have to let go. Holding onto an issue from a previous relationship such as being let down, hurt or cheated on will only ever cause problems for you in your next relationship for by holding onto it, you are keeping it alive and therefore interpreting it into your new relationship as though it has happened all over again. Just because someone hurt you in the past or that you had a bad experience with a previous partner, it doesn't necessarily mean that it will happen again. Granted, sometimes it does but with everything in life, you have to give things a chance, after all, how are you ever going to find out if you never try?

The past has done it's damage, you know this because you were there, you felt it's pain ,but why continue to hurt yourself by reliving it again and again? It just doesn't make any sense. I've heard people say that sometimes some cuts don't ever heal but I say they do, they just take that little bit longer. Life is about learning and growing within yourself as an individual, move on by letting go, forgive yourself and accept that sometimes you don't always have to get it right. Everything in your life doesn't have to work out in the way you think it has to, some things are meant to go wrong and these are the things you need to pay attention to for these are the things which are trying to teach you something. Communication in any relationship is vital as the heart can only say so much.

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