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The idea that nice guys finish last has resulted from the confusion surrounding dating and relationships .... confusion that comes from underestimating the importance of emotional intelligence at home.

We all know how important it is to have emotional intelligence on the job. Successful people know that delaying action when angry and being diplomatic are the ways to avoid conflict and be productive.

Most importantly it is a way to show respect by not letting feeling and emotions change behavior so that we affect others negatively. Controlling the way we act no matter how we are feeling, is key. Respect is key.

Women may be learning how to show emotional intelligence because more are having careers. Sadly, at home (off the job) women have not had the same emotional control socialization that men have had forced on them.

The result is that women may be very disrespectful in relationships if they are feeling negatively. Being with a "good guy," for most women, means standing out in a relationship as the one who "flies off the handle," calls names, and uses disrespectful tones of voice.

Women who behave badly quickly come to dislike themselves in relationships. The nicer a man is to combat this, the worse she feels about her own behavior.

The more he apologizes, the less she respects him and blames him for her frustration and guilt.

A nice guy really brings out a woman's lack of emotional intelligence at home.

A "bad guy" on the other hand, gives her someone to blame besides herself. A bad guy who is disrespectful to a woman allows emotionally immature women to say, "See it is him, not me!"

Relationships that last always include the nice guy not the bad guy.

The problem men face is finding a woman who can also be respectful and who can keep her feelings from affecting the rest of the group.

Relationships that last require treating every day as if it is the first date. You would never use a hostile tone of voice on a first date? Or call names across the table? These acts of rudeness are rare in relationships that last. I should know, because I am finally in one.

My guy is a real nice guy... and I work hard to change my bad habits from the past... so that I can be a girl who deserves one of the few nice guys!

Current statistics suggest that one out of every two men a woman chooses will become abusive; and this is a hard number to accept as accurate. But is it any wonder that men, who have been trained to be emotionally savvy and to avoid wearing their emotions on

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