by Art B.

Created on: April 27, 2009

I'm going to present you with the perspective and opinion of a twenty-something with a subversive sense of humor who spent far too long trying to find steady employment.

I have been working temporary staffing assignments for months, all the while looking for the perfect first job. In the course of this mess, I have been through many interviews. I have learned many things and some of them, I think, are worth sharing with others. Some of my observations apply directly only to males. In those cases, the females can read along and laugh at my gender's collective misfortunes.

1) No one will notice if your collar isn't tailored perfectly to your neck and you have to push that tie know up enough that they won't notice your top button is undone.

2) If you arrive too early, you may witness the borderline insanity of your interviewer's coffee ritual in full force - three and a half sugars, 1 tablespoon + 1 teaspoon of cream and exactly EXACTLY 27 stirs. This can be detrimental to your ability to look them in the eyes for the duration of the interview, so be careful.

3) Your tie is only too long if it hangs off of the chair when you sit down - if this is the case, pull your chair close enough to the table or desk that this issue will no longer be visible. Trust me, it helps.

4) If your button-down Van Husen shirt has two wrist size options, made possible by two different buttons placed side by side, do NOT use the smaller one, even if it fits better. Why? Because this usually results in what I refer to as 'Popeye arms': a slight but pronounced ballooning of the rest of the sleeve, which is not fitted properly for the smaller button setting made avilable on the wrist of the sleeve.

5) This applies to everyone: If the interviewer has a lazy eye, massive mole, horrible scar or even just bad taste in professional attire, you can be certain that you are not the first to stare at them, wrapt in terror. The only way out of this one, the only solution that works for all of the aforementioned issues and, indeed, any others you may discover in your own trials and tribulations, is to pick ONE eye and look at that SAME eye the whole time. This consistency will look respectful and professional, as well as give the impression that your are not as judgemental as the rest of the office. Even the most freakish hiring manager will be more apt to hire someone they perceive as a potential ally in a building full of shameless gawkers.

6) If your interview is in the morning, don't eat breakfast or

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