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My cutting ritual: someone hurt my feelings, I did something wrong, or something has triggered a bad memory. I find my favorite blade, find the perfect place on my skin, the place that is begging to be broken and bled. I gently drag the blade on the skin which responds with tiny beads of blood, then I push the blade deeper until a bright red streak replaces the beads. I feel the high, the euphoria, the release from the simultaneous anger and numbness, then I feel the sweet release.

This was my reality through my teen years into my early twenties and through much research and trial and error I was able to find tools to cease the behavior.

The first step is similar to those in a common twelve-step program: admit that you have a problem. This does not mean walking up to a stranger and proclaiming "I'm a cutter". It is merely admitting to yourself, "this is something I do. It is not who I am but it is a small part of me that I need to change."

Once you have admitted this to yourself it is time to understand cutting. Hit the books. Do your research. Read about other cutters, find out why they cut and how they recovered. Some books that I found helpful were "The Bright Red Scream" by Marilee Strong, "Skin Game" by Caroline Kettlewell, and "Bodily Harm: The Breakthrough Healing Program for Self-Injurers" by Karen Conterio, Wendy Lader, and Jennifer Kingson.

Most of us require professional help to stop cutting. Find a therapist who has experience in treating self mutilation. If you don't know how to find a therapist who specializes in this, get a list of therapists from your insurance company or look online, call several of them, and simply ask if they have experience in treating cutters. A therapist can assist you in finding the root of your behavior. Are you cutting because you are ashamed of something? Do you have a history of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse as a large portion of cutters do? Are you dissociating? Are you punishing yourself? Are you trying to show others how much pain you are in and are unable to express it verbally? Figuring out why you cut is a key factor in learning how to stop cutting.

Some also find group therapy beneficial. Discussing cutting with those who have similar experiences can make you feel understood and less isolated.

In order to change your behavior you must first learn your pattern. I call this figuring out the W's of your cutting: what, where, and why. Is your cutting associated with drug or alcohol abuse? Do you cut when

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