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In my bookshelf is a school exercise book where favourite quotes have been written down over the last 40 years or so. You don't want to read all of that..so I will share quotes that make you laugh, either because they are funny, or downright ironic. We all laugh at the things we know are true, but would like to be untrue. Here goes.

"Sometimes the man of action is a fellow who just got both his in hot water." O.A. Battista.

"Automation will never beat the waste-paper basket in speeding up office work." Roger Allen.

"Show me a married couple who boast that they've never had an argument and I'll show you a pair of love-birds complete with birdbrains." Abigail von Buren.

"Tact is the rare ability to keep silent while two friends are arguing, and you know both of them are wrong." Hugh Allen.

"Those people who have no trouble separating the men from the boys are called women." Howard Tamplin.

"To err is human; but you better have a better excuse than that." B.D.

"If you worry about missing the boat, remember the Titanic." Sidney Bolon.

"Any nitwit can understand computers. Many do." Ted Nelson.

"The moon is more useful than the sun, since it shines during the night when light is needed; while the sun is of little use during the daytime, when there's light anyway." Kozma Prutkov.

"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?" Steven Wright.

"Confidence: that exquisite feeling of complete assurance before you fall off a ladder." Financial Times.

"There we were, like the dead atheist in his coffin, all dressed up and no place to go." Peg Bracken.

"Some people so treasure the truth that they use it with great economy." H. Golenor.

"Anything apes can do, cats can do better, given proper facilities." Paul Gallico.

"This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic." Terry Pratchett.

"Vegetarian is an old Indian word for doesn't hunt well'." Paul Harvey.

"Maybe it would be easier just to have casual sex and balance the caring part by volunteering at an animal shelter or something." Jill A. Davis.

"We'll listen for signs of intelligent life but it's far more likely that we'll first find signs of slime". Robert Irion.

"It's easier to organize a conference on the quality of the environment than to bend over and pick up a chewing-gum wrapper." Bill Vaughan.

"I am going to record the facts for the information of God. He knows the facts, but he does not know THIS VERSION of the facts." Leo Szilard.

Learn more about this author, Santi Meintjes.
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