by Idahoskyewriter

Created on: April 27, 2009

I know all too well the power revenge has on you. I feel like I have been picked on for most of my life. When I was in school, the kids treated me badly and called me names. I didn't have many friends much after 7th grade. It seemed as if everyone looked at me as if I was weird or funny-looking. I began to feel like I was worthless and would never amount to anything. Rarely did I speak to anyone at school for fear that they might make fun of me.

As I got older and graduated school, my self-worth was pretty low. I began to view the world as having something against me. I began to get paranoid thinking the everyone was out to get me. I regularly got into fights with my sister, forcing her to finally move out on my mother and me and into an apartment with her friend. One such fight with my sister went so far that I thought one of us was going to kill the other.

My need for revenge extended far into my marriage and my hatred for my husband's family, and most of my hatred is geared towards my husband' mother. I have this paranoia that the woman is definitely against me and is out to ruin my life and take my little boy from me. I cannot shake this paranoia and sometimes go so far as to leave nasty messages on her voicemail. She has gone so far as to tell my husband that she no longer wants anything to do with me.

After all these fourteen years, I am starting to feel extremely spent and I am getting to the point where I no longer wish to act this way. I have come to the conclusion that nothing is going to get solved by me acting in such a hateful way towards my in-laws. I wish I could find a way to talk to these people and somehow let them all know how sorry I am, but they refuse to talk to me. I am at my wits end and no longer know what to do.

I feel like I have disappointed my husband by treating his family this way. I can only pray that God will soften their hearts and let me make amends for my behavior towards them. Maybe someday we can all live in harmony with each other.

As I look to the future, I look at my son and think how he will react to the way I treat his father's family. I ask myself if he will disrespect me because I can't or won't get along with them. No matter how I feel about my husband's family, they will always be in my son's life and there is nothing I can do about it. I don't think I could go through life if my son dissed me because I couldn't get along with his father's family.

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