by Anne Taylor

Created on: April 26, 2009

Life altering decisions always require self-reflection to determine the best answer. So, deciding the age of a child you should adopt, will take some soul searching. Whether this is a decision being decided by a couple or a single, everyone should be honest and open.

The list of issues and conditions that would effect this decision would fill a book, but there are five basic points to consider before adoption.

1. Mother or Mentor

First you should be honest with yourself, do you want to be a mother/father, or a mentor.

In other words, are you dreaming of building the perfect nursery? Do you have issues with changing dirty diapers? (be honest) How well do you behave around very young children? A person contemplating adopting an infant should read some early childhood development books to see what they will be getting into, to insure they are going into this venture with their eyes wide open. Just as high school is a quantum leap from grade school, taking care of a baby is totally different from the process of raising a child through the teenage years. With adoption you get the chose of whether you want to start from the child's early years or jump in at a later date.

Babies require more care than say a ten year old that can dress themselves. There will be lack of sleep for adopters of very young infants. Doctor's visits will be mandated, and may be extemporaneous events (sometimes in the middle of the night). Infants will have to be feed, clothed and bathed, whether you have been feed, clothed, or bathed. Your primary role as a parent of an infant is caretaker. But babies do eventually grow up into teenagers. Can you deal with that?

Just because you may not have the makings of a baby whisper, that does not disqualify you from the parent pool. Some of the best birth parents I know fumbled the infant stage but redeemed themselves in the preteen and teenage years of their children. As a potential adopter you can bypass this part of the timeline, and still have a very rewarding relationship with a child.

While adopting a child will make you an automatic mother or father, adopting an older child will require different skill sets not used when adopting a baby. Building a relationship with a cognitive child or young adult will require more mentoring skills than the nurturing process you use with an infant. But you will still nurture the older child, just at a higher level than you would a baby. Sometimes a person can relate better to a child when there is more interaction

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