by Mali Farnsworth

Created on: April 26, 2009   Last Updated: April 27, 2009

Yes, unequivocally, marriage can continue without a couple being 'in love'!

To understand the how and why one must first understand the nature of love. This is no small accomplishment, however. In nearly every realm, man has redefined the term... or tried.

Great sex, high excitement, personal gratification, and 'feeling' happy are forever advertised as 'it'. Love. Radio, television, movies, magazines, talk shows, personal empowerment novels, even women's rear ends are employed in the task, advertising 'Juicy' or 'Boy Toy' or 'Hot' in an attempt to confuse the public.

Why?
Because man has been attempting to make his own truth since time began. Don't believe me? Dig out your old records and listen, really listen to what is promoted. Watch old black and white movies, before Hollywood, worried then over the potential damage to the country's youth, employed a censure board. (Yes, Hollywood actually used to consider the collateral damage done to the public over financial gain.)

Still think this whole sex is love thing is new?

Check out a YouTube version of Mae West. Her sage winks weren't an offer of love, my friend. And yet, even then, the bulwark that stood against the flood of happy tonight, hangover tomorrow was marriage. The indissoluble bond, the bond attacked now and forever. The bond everyone yearns for, but will not seemingly fight to maintain, not for the long term.

Why again, one may ask.

Simple. Love is hard.

Real love is choosing to work for what is good and fruitful for the beloved, not yourself, at all times. We are not proscribed to love in marriage only when it is easy, when our nature inclines us to want to love. A one night stand can do that.

Marriage, however, is a 'contract' to love. It requires that we stick to our promises - yes promises, not whatever it takes to score until we change our mind. This requires stamina, courage, and yes, unadulterated self-sacrifice.
A cheater, an alcoholic, an abuser, a frigid witch, a liar, the one who left you, none of these are easy or fun or cozy or thrilling and most certainly not sexually gratifying. But in many instances, they are our spouse. As such, and at times only because of this, they deserve our love. As much as we can give for as long as we live.

Romantics, or should I say pessimists, be still for just a moment. Get the dictionary. Romance is not defined as love and vice versa. But, you may say, love is supposed to be good and make you feel good. While that is true, at times, to quote Shakespeare, "... love

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