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A relationship damaged by infidelity is one in which a great betrayal has occurred and there are two people in incredible pain. Trust has been broken after it was given freely once. The person who cheats is probably feeling a horrendous amount of guilt and shame while the person they cheated on is feeling utterly devastated and hurt. They are dealing with a whirlwind of emotions that they aren't comfortable with and don't always know how to deal with. The hurt and anger are more than they feel that they can bear. The more damaging part of the whole thing is that trust, once broken, is very difficult to regain. It is not impossible, though.

You can rebuild a marriage after infidelity, but only if there are two people willing to do the work necessary to do so. Both parties will have to take action to rebuild trust. They will have to do different things. One will have to find the ability to trust again and the other will have to find a way to prove him or herself worthy of trust again.

*For the cheater:

The person who has been unfaithful will have to go the extra mile to provide their partner with a sense of security and trust in him or her. They must be more transparent than ever during the time the two of them are trying to recover from the affair. Cell phones, email, computer history logs, postal mail, and every other part of his or her life should be available to their partner. It is natural that they will need to feel sure of your activities for a time. Don't become resentful of this. Realize that you initiated this turn of events.

You have effectively demolished your partner's sense of self and caused him or her a huge amount of pain and heartache. He or she may find themselves doubting your love or their value to you. This can cause him or her to have difficulty trusting not only you, but the relationship. There are simple things you can do to assist them through this. Leave a love note, send a text message or email, send flowers with a nice card, tell them you love them and consider yourself lucky to still have them. Reaffirm their value in your eyes regularly.

*For the cheated on:

If you have been cheated on and are willing to rebuild the relationship with the one who has been unfaithful, you must find it within yourself to allow trust to be re-established between the two of you. The following are some things that you can do to help repair the broken trust and the marriage.

First, you must make the decision to forgive your partner. Don't allow bitterness to creep in and destroy you or your relationship. Forgiving doesn't mean that you are saying what he or she did to you was okay or that you will accept if they do it again, it is saying that you are willing to move forward rather than dwelling in the past.

Communication is key when it comes to healing relationships damaged by infidelity. Most affairs are initiated after the marriage has already hit troubled waters. It is a symptom of something else, not the disease itself. You and your partner are going to need to talk about what was going wrong and how you can prevent the same thing from happening in the future. You may even need to see a marital counselor to get the communication going, especially if that is the root problem as it often is.

Try to resist the urge to dwell on what has happened or to ask questions constantly. This is hard for a person to deal with. If your partner is truly sorry for their indiscretion, which should be the case if you're still with him or her, they need not have it thrown in their face constantly. You both need to move forward together into a future where trust and love are the building blocks of your marriage.

Learn more about this author, Victoria Tiegert.
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