by Crystal Leigh

Created on: April 25, 2009

I've had my own struggles in life. The loss of my Mother was one of the worst. Since then, I've endured an abusive husband for many years, leaving him in the middle of the night. Fearing for the safety of my children and I.

Nothing my parents ever taught me, helped me to deal with that time in my life. They never let us see them angry with each other, and I've never seen them fight.

Husband number 2 promised to be so much better. He promised an undying love, and said we would be together, forever..

Only a year after our daughter was born, I was taken ill. Thus began a journey of many doctors, surgeries, and pills. I never thought my life would take the twists and turns that it did. Again, I wasn't prepared for such a drastic change in my life, and fell into a deep depression.

I questioned my self worth, and my value in life. I was slapped in the face by the price my government put on me. I was worth less alive to my children, than if I were dead. A mere $500 a month is all Social Security Disability valued me at. That number would double if I weren't alive.

I struggled with that fact, for many many years. I did what I had to do though, just to survive. I realized that I meant the world to my children, as they had meant to me. Without them in my life, I wouldn't be here today.

Things with my health had gotten so bad, that I could barely walk, and gained a lot of weight. I was in constant pain, and cried through the really bad times. My husband there beside me, taking care of me. I don't know what I would have done without him.

Just when things started to improve with my health, my husband of 14 years left me for someone else. So many lies he told everyone, just so he could save face. He didn't want to be looked down on for leaving me.

I think this was the second most difficult time I have gone through in my life. I struggled with so much emotional pain. I truly loved this man, who had ripped out my heart, and ruined my life.

That was 18 months ago now, and I'm still here. Again I struggled to hold on. My will to live was held together by my children. I didn't want to live life without my husband. He left me with no choice. Telling myself the man I married was dead, just to get through another painful day. The man I married would have never left me. This man was someone else. Many prayers, and talking to God got me through the lonely nights. I never saw it coming, it's as if my husband changed over night. Now, he still toys with my feelings. Saying he wants me, then he doesn't. As if the cruel game he played wasn't enough. His relationship didn't last long. Less than a year in fact.. Now he's the one who struggles. I'm now a firm believer in what goes around, comes around. I just have to wait.

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