by Maria C Collins

Created on: April 25, 2009   Last Updated: December 02, 2009

A funeral is always a difficult and emotional occasion. General rules of manners seem inadequate for a funeral. By following a few simple rules you can make it a little easier on yourself and others. Funerals in the United Kingdom are not as formal and hidebound as they were in Victorian times, however there are certain rules of behaviour.

A funeral is a formal occasion not a party. Dress soberly, unless you are told otherwise, at some funerals these days the deceased has especially asked that people not wear dark colours. In any case this is not an occasion to wear a skirt up to your armpits, a low cut top or one that shows your navel, fishnet stockings, or ripped jeans. Men should either wear a dark lounge suit or dark trousers and a dark jacket and a white shirt, to a normal funeral, if they are attending a celebration of life a coloured shirt is permissible but no t shirts with slogans on. Remember that some religions require special considerations as to dress, for example, some religions require that women cover their heads during the service, others that men cover their heads, remember to check any special dress requirements with the family.

Flowers should be sent to the house or to the funeral director. Some families ask for family flowers only, or ask that you make a charity donation instead of flowers. The chosen charity is generally one with which the deceased had a connection. Any money for charity should be sealed in an envelope and sent to the funeral director or given to the chief mourner at a convenient moment. Address the envelope with the name of the deceased and put a note inside with your name on so that the family can thank you. The deceased's family after the funeral will collect the donations together and make one donation to the chosen charity in the name of the deceased person.

Switch mobile telephones off. If you cannot bear to remain out of contact for the funeral service, then do not go. Remember that people are grieving and respect that grief, they will not wish to hear your mobile telephone blaring out the theme tune to Hawaii 50, either during the service or when gathering outside the church or crematorium. If you must keep your phone on during the funeral, switch it to vibrate and move right away from others attending the funeral to answer it. If it vibrates during the service remove yourself from the service to answer the call.

If you are taking teenagers or children to the funeral explain carefully what will happen. Also explain

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