by Rick Badman

Created on: April 25, 2009

In order to be a real man, there are some rules that must be followed. Girly men may try to make people think they are real men. But often they are found out. So here are what I think sets men apart from women:

(1) MEN PEE STANDING UP

The main difference between a men's toilet and a women's toilet are the urinals in men's toilets. I know that lately it has been popular for some women to pee standing up. But it is unnatural. The plumbing is different in a man. Men can pee sitting down. But standing up is preferable.

(2) MEN ENJOY WATCHING THE THREE STOOGES

The Three Stooges are men's men when it comes to comedy. When Moe wrenches Curly's nose or smashes him on the head with a monkey wrench, men laugh. I'm not talking about a chuckle. I'm talking about laughing till it hurts at times. The only contemporary equivalent to the Three Stooges are the three men in "Coach." When they are together in a Three Stooges situation, they can make one laugh until they cry. Which leads me to the third rule.

(3) MEN RARELY CRY

Men can cry if they are laughing so hard that they can't help it. If they cut off their legs with a chain saw they are allowed to cry due to the pain. I must confess that sometimes I slip up and cry due to emotions when I hear music that moves me to tears. But I can watch hours of soap operas that cause women to cry uncontrollably and my eyes will be dry. Now if they had a soap opera about lumberjacks that lose their legs in chain saw accidents, maybe I might cry for them thinking about the pain they're experiencing.

(4) FOOTBALL, WEIGHT LIFTING, AND BULL RIDING ARE MEN'S SPORTS WHICH MEN ENJOY WATCHING

When you see two men collide so hard that their teeth rattle, if you're a man, you enjoy watching the hit. When the quarterback throws a spiral 70 yards that is caught and the receiver is flattened by a human bulldozer, if you're a man, you say "Great catch." When you see huge men lift huge weights, you sometimes grunt along with them. And when you see a man riding a monster that is several times his size that could crush him if he landed on him, you cheer when the buzzer goes off if the man manages to hang on for dear life. Don't give me this garbage that bull fighters are real men because they stand facing a bull with a cape in front of them. If Lucile Ball can fight bulls, so what about men doing it. Also, the bulls in bull riding are athletes too with names like Bad Attitude, Bone Crusher, and Satan. I know a wife with a bad attitude may seem like Satan. But

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