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Back in the late 80s and 90s I had many frightening experiences with some very creepy characters that facilitated me taking a new direction in my life.
One scary character in particular that I met triggered me to open up a much broader view for my life. It was about being here in a physical body and "waking up or leaving.

I had a big opening that saw me having spontaneous visions with my eyes open as well as closed in meditation. The visions I had seemed distant like looking at them from down a long tunnel. I almost turned off engaging man in relationship but I also knew that I would have the most growth in my life if I did. That is how scary those encounters were.

Since I chose to live, opportunities revealed themselves to me to integrate a new reality. In 1990 I, along with some other people had a cosmic experience.
I got a view from my soul's perspective.
It was like being a star flying amongst other stars. I got a sense of the bigness of everything. I experienced the gap between where I was and what I had experienced energetically as a starlit Presence.

I wondered how I was to express that presence in the world. In order to make that discover, I had to dissolve a few walls and unlock a few doors in my consciousness. I learned that I had to be able to receive from the bigger me in my physical reality. In order to do so I received a lot of help. I was asking for a felt sense of love and a big picture for my creativity to be expressed in the world.

I began that exploration as a visual artist. Then my life began to unravel as I experienced the gap between my personality's view and my Soul's intent for this lifetime. Artist was just one facet of my abilities. I began to discover that there was more to expressing my creativity than through an outer vehicle of paint brushes and paint. At one point I did a year long process called "Force of Light" and found a helper in the form of a shamanic healer.

She saw the big picture for my life and asked me how far off center I had gone as a child to create safety in an unsafe environment. "Just say the first number that comes to mind", she said. The first number that came was 98%. She saw Beings of Light working with me. She told me that they didn't work with just anybody and said that I must be pretty dedicated in order to get their attention.

I mention this because I have learned that when we have a sincere desire to be all that we are there is always hope. All you have to do is ask. Everything that I knew about myself was false.

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